Category Archives: WTF Japan?

The Statue Of Too Much Liberty

These have got to be the most awesome gacha-gacha vending machine snags of all time! These little plastic figures depict Lady Liberty morphing into “Too-Free Goddess” and assuming unseemly poses! But forget trying to blackmail her with threats to tweet her indiscretions far and wide – there are already stop-action videos up on YouTube… The Cornholio Of Liberty Oh no, please tell me teaContinueContinue reading “The Statue Of Too Much Liberty”

Spicy Tomato Filled Doughnuts?

Aieeeee, when I saw this on the menu at Krispy Kreme, I knew I’d have to strap on my Try Anything Once Cojones and take one for the team! My first clue this wasn’t a regular doughnut was that funny little pesto-tomato hat on top. Inside was, basically, a sort of sweet pizza sauce. IContinueContinue reading “Spicy Tomato Filled Doughnuts?”

Yes, Even The Cheese Is Black

I finally tried Burger King Japan’s most recent all-black, all-the-time burger offering, and OMG please don’t look now, but I wolfed it down in record time. It looks pretty weird (especially the BLACK CHEESE) but the taste was I-think-I’d-better-have-another-in-the-interest-of-science good. “Shalyapin Sauce”? Apparently it’s named after a Russian opera singer who had a toothache when he toured Japan, soContinueContinue reading “Yes, Even The Cheese Is Black”

Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn (That We’re Both Female And Japanese!)

Yes, the famed all-female Takarazuka troupe is back on stage, mustachioed and corseted and ready to kick some Civil War butt! After mind-bendingly taking on the roles of handsome male scalawags (Oceans Eleven) and all-American soldiers fighting the Japanese (South Pacific), it’s not so much of a stretch to imagine a dashing Rhette-ette sweeping Scarlett off her feet. ButContinueContinue reading “Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn (That We’re Both Female And Japanese!)”

I Hope You Wanted Marlboros

This vending machine offers you a choice between Marlboros and…Marlboros. It could be a glimpse of some horrible apocalyptic future in which the only beer left on Earth is Miller Light and the only mayo is Miracle Whip, or it could be the latest example of a popular Japanese advertising trend: make the product stand out on the shelf by…buying up all the shelves. This is the first time I’ve seenContinueContinue reading “I Hope You Wanted Marlboros”

Veggie Ice Cream?!

From the land of snacks with tentacles and fish bone crackers comes the latest healthy food disguised as a snack: carrot and tomato ice cream! Haagen-Dazs Japan hit the subways with a “secret” poster campaign this month, introducing the latest way for even the most dedicated junk food addict to get some stealth vegetables. The carrot one is mixed withContinueContinue reading “Veggie Ice Cream?!”

World’s Worst Popsicle

If spaghetti-flavored ice on a stick isn’t the world’s worst idea for a snack, I don’t know what is. But, in an act of supreme self-sacrifice, I tried it, so you don’t have to! Supposedly, the “Napolitan Rich” Gari-Gari contains pockets of tomato jelly, but I was unable to detect them in the short time the instantly-regretted biteContinueContinue reading “World’s Worst Popsicle”

Salty Dragonblood Toothpaste

But what I want to know is, how do they KNOW the dragons only ate pesticide-free virgins? Is the blood harvested from organically-certified, knight-armor-free, farm-grown dragons? You can get your very own Toothpaste Of Targaryens at the Tokyu Hands store in Ikebukuro. •

Cuddle Up With An Adorable Slice Of Raw Fish

Okay, I thought the stuffed animal wizards were pretty much scraping the bottom of the vertebrate barrel when they came up with Kapybara-san a few years ago. I mean, how many of your childhood friends were really dying to invite the world’s largest rodent into bed with them? I rest my case. Of course theyContinueContinue reading “Cuddle Up With An Adorable Slice Of Raw Fish”

All About Love Hotels!

Ground Control to Major Tom: Take your protein pills and put your Trojan on! Where I come from, the kind of hotels that charge by the hour instead of the night are ultra-shady and tend to get raided by the cops a lot. Not in Japan! In the country where most people live in quartersContinueContinue reading “All About Love Hotels!”

Forever Alone: Japan Version

A sign advertising One-Person Karaoke rooms, 3rd floor In The Land of Group Harmony, doing things by yourself is almost un-Japanese. But because Japan is also the country which offers a hot spring resort for dogs, a store that only sells big red underwear for people over sixty, wine matched to your blood type, a clubContinueContinue reading “Forever Alone: Japan Version”

Wait, Seriously, You Can Eat That?!

In case you were wondering if there is such a thing as too much information, take a look-see at this handy chart I spotted recently, hanging outside a “Don’t Waste Anything!” restaurant in Tokyo. Although at first glance it looks like a biology quiz, when you discover it’s a diagram of where all the meatsContinueContinue reading “Wait, Seriously, You Can Eat That?!”

Street Fightin’ Yakuza Action Figures

More than meets the eye! For hours of happy crime spree play, nothing can beat the thug rangers! Your platinum-haired chinpira will pinch Barbie’s car before she can squeal “math is hard,” the mirror-shaded loan shark can hit Ken up anytime, anywhere, for that gambling debt plus interest, and even GI Joe had better watch outContinueContinue reading “Street Fightin’ Yakuza Action Figures”

Sexy Santa Roundup!

Bring on the sequins, lace, and fake fur halter Santas! As long as it’s red and white, anything goes! Ladies, just because those gold lamé and leopard print Santa costumes are made for men doesn’t mean you can’t play fast and loose with the jolly old elf this Christmas season! The Sexy Santa is a holidayContinueContinue reading “Sexy Santa Roundup!”

31 Flavors Of…Toothpaste?

Yes, this one tastes like Indian Curry! Now you can fight cavities and have curry-fresh breath too, with this new line of Breath Palette flavored toothpaste! With thirty-one strange flavors to choose from, your teeth can sparkle with a different one each day for a month. Get yourself some righteous morning coffee breath with CaféContinueContinue reading “31 Flavors Of…Toothpaste?”

Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2013

10. I bet the person on your list who has everything doesn’t have a THOUSAND DOLLAR RICE COOKER! It doesn’t slice, dice, or clean up the kitchen for you, but it does feature a cooking liner precision-milled from a single block of steel, for the ultimate in perfect heat distribution! Seen at: Yodabashi Camera, AkihabaraContinueContinue reading “Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2013”

More Acts Of Santa Blasphemy

Yes, when it comes to taking license with the jolly old elf, nobody can beat Tokyu Hands! For all your crossdressing Santa needs Someone must have pointed out that last year’s Black Santa Manteau wasn’t especially traditional, so they decided to offer a red version this year. •

Jack The Ripper – The Musical

Purple crushed velvet, bejeweled fake fur, slashed to the navel satin shirt – somehow the Japanese version of the elusive old serial killer comes off as slightly more of a gay blade than history gives him credit for! But it gets better – this isn’t the original production of Jack The Ripper, The Musical. The worldContinueContinue reading “Jack The Ripper – The Musical”

What’s Wrong With These Desserts…?

Luscious strawberries…succulent peaches…flaky pastry…fresh whipped cream…all topped off with…PARSLEY. Yes, the fluffy little herb that rocked the 1950s sits inexplicably atop this otherwise tasty-looking fruit tart, and the strangest thing is, this wasn’t a random garnish fail. How about a big bite of Mont Blanc desert-itude featuring candied chestnuts, chocolate, custard, cream…and PARSLEY? Or banana-cream-caramelContinueContinue reading “What’s Wrong With These Desserts…?”

Our Lady Of Gangsta

I’m a little confused by the golden dreidel on the front, but hey, Our Skeletal Lady Of Golden Gangsta is probably A-OK with whatever faith you’re keeping… If you’re planning to shake down a few grannies or threaten some loan-shirkers with a Louisville Slugger, don’t leave the house without donning your Blood Money brand track suit!ContinueContinue reading “Our Lady Of Gangsta”

You’re Never Too Young To Start The Training

Yes, young padawan, if you want to grow up to be a powerful host club master, it is never to early to start the training. Faux Louis Vuitton sandals: check. Silver studded black vest: check. Hair waxed, sprayed and bleached to perfection: check, check, check! The Force is strong in this one. This photo isContinueContinue reading “You’re Never Too Young To Start The Training”

Cooking With Junk Food

From the test kitchens of intrepid single guys come these taste treats, made solely from junk food obtainable at any corner convenience store! Let’s accompany the judges as they determine just what combos deliver a flavor bomb that has nothing to do with the ingredients! ••• Sticky Fermented Soybeans + Vanilla Ice Cream = TurkishContinueContinue reading “Cooking With Junk Food”

Make Your Own Adorable Butt Pudding

Today’s gourmet challenge: 「オラのかわいいおしりたべてみろう…？」”Do we dare to eat this adorable butt?” Of all the WTF Japan products I’ve seen, this has to be the absolutely WTFiest. JIGGLY. WHITE. BUTT. PUDDING. According to the directions on the back, using only this mix, a microwave and a mold shaped exactly like the well-know derriere of the beloved comicContinueContinue reading “Make Your Own Adorable Butt Pudding”

Hangover Coffins: Rent ‘Em By The Hour

Next time you wake up and feel like you’ve died and gone to hell, spend an hour sleeping off that mandatory company drinking party in an oxygen-filled hangover coffin! You’ll not only emerge without that pounding head and queasy stomach, you’ll feel thinner, younger,  more relaxed and able to perform feats of athletic prowess withContinueContinue reading “Hangover Coffins: Rent ‘Em By The Hour”

Today’s Beauty Quiz: Are You Young Enough To Have Gray Hair?

Elephant Gray. In case you want to look big, as well as gray. These days in Tokyo, the only people with black hair are those whose hair is actually gray, and the only people with gray hair are those whose hair is naturally black. To determine which group you should be in, take this handyContinueContinue reading “Today’s Beauty Quiz: Are You Young Enough To Have Gray Hair?”

Job Description: Wizard of Oz

It’s amazing that a Japanese train ticket machine has never been in the running when it’s time to elect a new pope, because they are about as close to infallible as a machine can get. You stick in your money, and – unlike the ticket machine I once encountered in San Francisco, which rained downContinueContinue reading “Job Description: Wizard of Oz”

Kayak The Untamed Canals Of Tokyo!

After you’ve climbed the north face of Everest, surfed the 50-footers at Mavericks, and helicopter boarded the Eyjafjallajokull volcano, what’s left for next year’s Golden Week? Sadly, you discover that your idea of kayaking the Amazon from its headwaters in deepest darkest Brazil would require longer than five days. But then you see this subway posterContinueContinue reading “Kayak The Untamed Canals Of Tokyo!”

I’ll Take A Pound Of The Cricket Snacks, Please

Mmm-mmm, on market day in Koshinzuka, they still sell inago tsukudani, scoops of Jiminy Cricket’s relatives all toasted up nice and crispy in a salty-sweet marinade. And what do they taste like, you may ask? Okay, I admit I chickened out of this one. But if they’re anything like shrimp tsukudani or tuna tsukudani orContinueContinue reading “I’ll Take A Pound Of The Cricket Snacks, Please”

How To Make Poisonous Dried Snake Tea

First, you take a dried snake. A dried poisonous snake. Then you chop it into little pieces. Add some dried ginger and garlic and a few other secret ingredients. Powderize it all in your industrial snake grinder and pour it in a medicine bottle. Mix one teaspoon into a cup of hot water every morningContinueContinue reading “How To Make Poisonous Dried Snake Tea”

The Fake Sea Slug Vending Machine

“Mommy, mommy, I want a nudibranch! All the other kids have nudibranchs! Pleeeeeze can I have ¥200? Pleeeeeze?” “No. Last time you cried when you got the Bornella anguilla instead of the Chromodoris annai and I had to take you out of the store because everybody thought I was abusing you or something.” “I won’t cry!ContinueContinue reading “The Fake Sea Slug Vending Machine”

Coffee + Beer. No. Just…no.

Yes, it’s COFFEE BEER! If anyone ever said to me, “Wow, you two go together like coffee and beer!” I think I’d start dusting off my OK Cupid profile. And it doesn’t stop there. This ad suggests other unlikely combos as well. Pineapple juice beer! Lychee beer! Grapefruit beer! And apparently it’s key to serveContinueContinue reading “Coffee + Beer. No. Just…no.”

The World’s Shortest Elevator

If you want to contend for the title of World’s Laziest Human, get off the train at Takadanobaba Station and wait for the elevator to take you down the five steps outside the ticket gate. Okay, of course, this provides access for people who have difficulty climbing stairs, are toting giant suitcases or wheeling monstroContinueContinue reading “The World’s Shortest Elevator”

What Are We Trying To Say Here? Pop Star?

Arashi’s new album cover : depths of humiliation only rivaled by dogs being forced to dress as Princess Leia Is there no end to the indignity Japanese idols must suffer? I mean seriously – can you imagine someone saying to Nirvana, “Hey, for your next release, we think it’d be a great idea if youContinueContinue reading “What Are We Trying To Say Here? Pop Star?”

Lights! Camera! Wedding!

The fairy tale chapel in this subway ad has nothing to do with religion – it’s actually a new wedding hall outside of Yokohama! Traditionally, Japanese couples got married in a shrine with only immediate family in attendance, then threw a reception party afterwards at a restaurant or nice hotel. But recently, wedding halls andContinueContinue reading “Lights! Camera! Wedding!”

Tea: Not Just For Toddlers Anymore

Baby tea comes in mugi-cha (barley tea) and hoji-cha (roasted decaf green tea) flavors. In Japan, you’re never too young to start drinking tea! Now even babies can take a break from the hard work of learning that the hand that just hit them in the face is actually attached to the end of theirContinueContinue reading “Tea: Not Just For Toddlers Anymore”

“Ocean’s 11”: All-New, All-Japanese And All-Female!

From left to right: Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Julia Roberts, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Shaobo Qin, and Don Cheadle The Takurazuka stage production of the classic caper film naturally features the usual all-female cast, with lots of choice roles for the otokoyaku actresses who specialize in male roles! Taking a page from the training traditionsContinueContinue reading ““Ocean’s 11”: All-New, All-Japanese And All-Female!”

Tevye-san!

If I were a rich-san, yooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby doo! Yes, it’s the all-Japanese production of Fiddler On The Roof! I’d like to meet the yenta who put this one together! It seriously challenges the productions of Mozart-san and AKB48 idols starring in Peter Pan for the Local Interpretation Award. •

Why Do Only Men Get Chocolate On Valentine’s Day?

This picture actually has nothing to do with the strange interpretation of Valentine’s Day in Japan, but doesn’t it look like there’s a big blue heart in the sky over the shrine next to my apartment? So, you know how in Japan, women don’t get any chocolate or roses or 600 carat diamond necklaces onContinueContinue reading “Why Do Only Men Get Chocolate On Valentine’s Day?”

Oh Yay, It’s Deep-Fried Fish Testicle Season

Yep, that’s it: “Shirako Tempura,” front and center on the menu I was handed at the izakaya Friday night. (Or if you’re slimming, you can slurp them down raw for only ¥399, with little chopped veggies lurking on the side.) If you’re in Tokyo from Nov-Mar and are brave enough to try this delicacy, walk through theContinueContinue reading “Oh Yay, It’s Deep-Fried Fish Testicle Season”

For All Your Crossdressing Costume Needs

Now a guy no longer has to waste hours in front of the mirror, practicing lying to the cashier at Tokyu Hands that he’s buying that sparkly pink Power Ranger dress for his girlfriend! This product is clearly labeled BOY RANGER (with the helpful subtitle “BOYS” beneath, written in phonetic katakana for the kanji-challenged customer).ContinueContinue reading “For All Your Crossdressing Costume Needs”

Just Try To Toss Your Round Garbage Into My Square Garbage Bin NOW!

DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU. What is with you people?! It says right here, RIGHT ON THE RECYCLING BIN, in the kind of phonetic letters ANY SIX-YEAR-OLD should be able to handle: P A P E R    P A C K Does that say “plastic” to you? Seriously, people, read the sign. ThisContinueContinue reading “Just Try To Toss Your Round Garbage Into My Square Garbage Bin NOW!”

Rude Gnomes

As a sort of matter/anti-matter reaction to the See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil Gnomes, the same artist presents the F U Gnome. The Xmas-seasonal appearance of these, er, art objects suggests there has been continuing elf/dwarf/gnome cross-cultural confusion with regard to Santa and his workforce. I admit I’m quite curious aboutContinueContinue reading “Rude Gnomes”

All I Want For Christmas Is A Magical Body

And all I need to do to get one is stop by the Shibjuya Loft store and plonk down ¥6000! Magical Socks are apparently included, as an extra bonus. On the other hand, maybe it would be better to display my Christmas spirit by dressing as a Creamy Tonikai! Tonikai = reindeer. Creamy = uh,ContinueContinue reading “All I Want For Christmas Is A Magical Body”