Thanks For Destroying My Fantasies, Little Host Stickers

Okay, when I spotted this page of stickers at Tokyu Hands featuring smokin’ hot hostboys, I thought they were kinda fun. Even considered buying a bunch of them to give to my favorite hostboy fangirls. And then I looked a little…closer. Sheesh, leave me some illusions, will ya? •

Top Ten Crazy Holiday Gifts From Japan 2016

Yes, it’s that time of year again, when you comb your list of friends & family for those who truly deserve that rare and awe-inspiring gift from Japan… 10. If there’s nobody on your list who needs a MANEATING VAMPIRE PURSE, you need to make new friends. 9. CUTEST WASHCLOTHS OF ALL TIME! Who could fail to smile after ripping the wrappingContinue reading “Top Ten Crazy Holiday Gifts From Japan 2016”

Give Yourself A Tooth Manicure

Want to perk up those pearly whites a bit, but don’t want to choose between paying for cosmetic dentistry and getting a new car? This Japanese tooth makeup is for you! For less than twenty bucks, Tooth Makeup is basically nail polish for your choppers! Yes, just choose the shade you’d like your new smile to be, paint it on, and you’reContinue reading “Give Yourself A Tooth Manicure”

The Octopus Treatment…For Your Face

If you’re a little short on live octopus tentacles the next time you need a beauty treatment, Tokyu Hands will happily sell you this pink plastic Vacu & Lift Roller. I’m not sure what lasting beautification this device is supposed to deliver, but if I ever see someone walking down the streets of Shibuya looking like they just face-wrestled aContinue reading “The Octopus Treatment…For Your Face”

Looks Like Santa’s Been Skipping The Gym This Year

As you know, I take an avid and unnatural interest in Japanese holiday costumes, and this year is no exception. There were the usual acts of Santa blasphemy – including Sexy Santa, Emo Santa and Thong Santa – but this year there was a decided trend toward puffiness, even in the outlying Xmas characters. • “A fascinating mixContinue reading “Looks Like Santa’s Been Skipping The Gym This Year”

Ten Best Stocking Stuffers From Japan!

10. SUSHI SOCKS 9. DIY CROSS STITCH PHONE CASE 8. ANIMAL SKELETONS 7. DEVIL WAX 6. EYELID EXERCISER 5. EMOJI EYE MASK 4. DEODORANT CANDY 3. NINJA SNACK PICKS 2. THE STATUE OF TOO MUCH LIBERTY 1. PIGGY ZAPPER • Still need a gift idea? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️The Last Tea Bowl Thief was chosen as an Editor’s Pick for Best Mystery, Thriller & Suspense onContinue reading “Ten Best Stocking Stuffers From Japan!”

Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2014!

10. What do you give the person who has everything? They’ve already got a one-shot coffee maker. And a one-shot tea machine. But I bet they don’t have a ONE-SHOT MISO SOUP MAKER! 9. Landing a blow for equal opportunity character pillows, the otaku girls on your list will love sleeping with the SINGING PRINCE DREAM CUSHION! 8.Continue reading “Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2014!”

Hardcore Workout Equipment…For Your Face

Getting yourself a righteously small face has always been prized in Japan, but having a face that just oozes buffness is apparently the new Holy Grail Of Pulchritude. Behold the dizzying array of exercise devices for your head, all designed to shape and tone your visage into a model of curvaceous (and unwrinkled) youth. Saw these at Don Kihote store inContinue reading “Hardcore Workout Equipment…For Your Face”

Moustaches I Would Regret

Or should I say scumstaches? What these wispy ghosts of fake beards/moustaches lack in identity concealment, they more than make up for in believability. Japanese men are not generally candidates for Unibrow Intervention or Bushiest Beard contest winning, so even a goatee-ette of this magnitude might take weeks of careful cultivating. Much faster to get your manhood on withContinue reading “Moustaches I Would Regret”

Salty Dragonblood Toothpaste

But what I want to know is, how do they KNOW the dragons only ate pesticide-free virgins? Is the blood harvested from organically-certified, knight-armor-free, farm-grown dragons? You can get your very own Toothpaste Of Targaryens at the Tokyu Hands store in Ikebukuro. •

Cherry Blossom Party Costumes I Would Regret

The cherry trees are readying their onslaught, and it’s almost time for the annual beer-fuelled frolicking to commence. What better way to say, “I am a wild and crazy guy” than to don one of these festive pinker-than-thou costumes? •

For Charcoal-Fresh Breath…

…get thee to the closest Tokyu Hands and get your paws on some Natamame toothpaste! It claims to smite your bad breath in four different flavors: Rose, Aloe (does aloe have a flavor?), Persimmon and Bamboo Charcoal. Yes, the black kind. Even stranger, guess what this toothpaste is made from? Sword beans! Believe it orContinue reading “For Charcoal-Fresh Breath…”

Nose Training

I don’t know which is weirder, the idea that you’d want your nose to be bigger, or that you think you can “train” it into pulchritude by using one of these pink plastic torture devices! Longing for a tall nose is nearly as common as the fervent wish for a small face among Japanese women,Continue reading “Nose Training”

Wooden Origami

Craving a cherry crane or a pine penguin? Or maybe you’ve always wanted to fold a walnut helmet! Yep, this origami is actually made from paper-thin slices of wood! You can get your very own pack of super sheer veneer from (where else?) Tokyu Hands, on the lumber floor. (It has always amazed me thatContinue reading “Wooden Origami”

Rice Of Unbearable Cuteness

Although digging into this adorable bunny-shaped rice might be a bit like steeling yourself to whack the head off a Bambi piñata, who can resist making boring old curry into a dish of overwhelming cuteness? This handy rice mold set also includes a fork-a-baby-dolphin-to-death design and the rather more humane sunflower model. •

Street Fightin’ Yakuza Action Figures

More than meets the eye! For hours of happy crime spree play, nothing can beat the thug rangers! Your platinum-haired chinpira will pinch Barbie’s car before she can squeal “math is hard,” the mirror-shaded loan shark can hit Ken up anytime, anywhere, for that gambling debt plus interest, and even GI Joe had better watch outContinue reading “Street Fightin’ Yakuza Action Figures”

31 Flavors Of…Toothpaste?

Now you can fight cavities and have curry-fresh breath too, with this new line of Breath Palette flavored toothpaste! With thirty-one strange flavors to choose from, your teeth can sparkle with a different one each day for a month. Get yourself some righteous morning coffee breath with Café au Lait, experience cognitive dissonance brushing withContinue reading “31 Flavors Of…Toothpaste?”

Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2013

10. I bet the person on your list who has everything doesn’t have a THOUSAND DOLLAR RICE COOKER! 9. Surely you know someone whose garden wouldn’t be complete without a few GNOMES OF VICTORY 8. Give the gift of facial warmth and animal shenanigans with the BEARFACE MUFFLER 7. For that perfect head, the SONICContinue reading “Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2013”

The Newest Ways To Get A Small Face

Who knew that aluminum could be the key to that holy grail of pulchritude, the small face? Apparently, it has become the flavor of the month when it comes to head shrinking in Japan. Strap on one of these “aluminum head spa” products to minimize your watermelon of a noggin whilst you shower! And in caseContinue reading “The Newest Ways To Get A Small Face”

“What May I Pick Up For You, Master Of The House?”

Now anyone can be All-Master-All-The-Time with these maid-themed chopsticks from Tokyu Hands! While they may not be too ace at drawing cat whiskers on your ome-rice, you can probably beat them with great regularity at Jenga… •

Lunchboxing Power Tools

Are the kids at school making fun of your progeny because the Pikachu rice ball you tried to make looked more like Godzilla? Did the teacher send home a note about not making lunch characters that scare the other children, when all you were tying to do was make that hot dog look like aContinue reading “Lunchboxing Power Tools”

The Miso Muddler And Other Obscure Kitchen Tools

I laughed when I saw that there was a special tool you could plunge into a tub of miso, twirl it around to get exactly one bowl’s worth of fermented soybean paste into the little ball, then use the muddler to whisk it into your soup. And then, of course, I bought one. Because actually, ifContinue reading “The Miso Muddler And Other Obscure Kitchen Tools”

How To Get Yourself A Tall Nose

Making your nose look bigger is not at the top of most Westerners’ must-have beauty techniques, but stylish Japanese blades are apparently keen on giving their schnozzes a lift! From the ever-entertaining pages of Men’s Spider magazine (the slightly more host-centric version of Men’s Knuckle!), behold the step by step instructions for nose enhancing makeupContinue reading “How To Get Yourself A Tall Nose”

For All Your Crossdressing Costume Needs

Now a guy no longer has to waste hours in front of the mirror, practicing lying to the cashier at Tokyu Hands that he’s buying that sparkly pink Power Ranger dress for his girlfriend! This product is clearly labeled BOY RANGER (with the helpful subtitle “BOYS” beneath, written in phonetic katakana for the kanji-challenged customer).Continue reading “For All Your Crossdressing Costume Needs”

Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2012!

10. For the film maven on your list who camped overnight in line at the movie theatre to see the new Evangelion…ANIME EYES SLEEP MASKS (seen at Village Vanguard) 9. For the octopus ball lover who just can’t get enough of a good thing…JUMBO DIY TAKOYAKI MAKER (seen at Tokyu Hands) 8. For the vampire gourmet…BLOODContinue reading “Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2012!”

Emo Santa

“Deck the halls with boughs of hemlock, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu, fu, fu, fu, fu…” Do you find red to be just too unbearably cheery? Think “Jingle Bells” ought to be remixed as “For Whom the Bell Tolls”? Well, finally there’s a Santa costume for those who would prefer to be The Un-Jolly Old Elf! Now Goths, death metalContinue reading “Emo Santa”

Scary Santa

You know how some kids are afraid to go sit on Santa’s lap, even if they really really really want a pony? Well, I bet all the Santa phobias in the known world can be traced back to an early childhood experience with someone like THIS. What was the package designer thinking, casting a massContinue reading “Scary Santa”

Costumes I Would Regret Even Thinking Of Wearing

What IS this? A rare species of face-eating nudibranch? A faded map of the 18th hole at Pebble Beach?  No! It’s a fake five o’clock shadow! This is an especially spectacular career-inhibitor if the costume-wearing prankster is a woman! Long, long after you reach what would have been retirement age if you’d ever been ableContinue reading “Costumes I Would Regret Even Thinking Of Wearing”

Costumes I Would Regret, Part Deux

Nothing says Career Killer like a shot of your grinning face leering at the camera from inside a beer mask, two-fisting some brewskies! Tokyu Hands once again comes through with a costume that makes you think, “Snap! I don’t even have to dress up!” but ends up producing dozens of eminently uploadable candids for everyone’s internet-viewingContinue reading “Costumes I Would Regret, Part Deux”

Your Very Own Electronic Monk!

Tired of petitioning the Powers That Be every day for world peace, a winning lottery ticket, and for them to still have your size when those purple Fluevog boots you desperately want go on sale? Rest easy! Now you can let the Electronic Monk do your chanting for you! You’re just a couple of AAContinue reading “Your Very Own Electronic Monk!”

Costumes I Would Regret

I must be doing something right, since I don’t have any Japanese friends who throw parties attended by anyone wearing THIS. Although not quite as permanent as  a tattoo, pictures of oneself wearing this attractive item would certainly circulate endlessly on the interwebs, thwarting one’s job advancement for millennia to come. •

New Weapon In The Battle Against Napping

Napping: destroyer of productivity, enemy of extreme road trips, scourge of procrastinators who left that six-month project until the night before! Fortunately, those tempted to catch a few winks when they ought to be contributing to global productivity now have the Nap Vieeb, a revolutionary product that will keep them alert long enough to dieContinue reading “New Weapon In The Battle Against Napping”

Rockabilly Daruma

If you had a burning desire for Elvis to be alive and running a ramen shop near Yoyogi Park  – conveniently located, of course, for the leather-jacketed, ducktailed rockabilly dancers’ Sunday evening afterparty – this is exactly the sort of Daruma figure you might need. If your hearts’ desire is more pedestrian, you can stillContinue reading “Rockabilly Daruma”