Category Archives: WTF Japan?

Various Acts Of Santa Blasphemy

Santa Man, complete with his own S&M studded mask and oops-I-shouldn’t-have-put-it-in-the-dryer black cape. Red Leopard Santa, GRRRRROWL! Special Golden Santa-san! Wonder if you can get a fake diamond-studded grill to complete the look… Wat, I don’t even…Black Santa Manteau?! More like The Count Of Monte Claus! Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for creativityContinueContinue reading “Various Acts Of Santa Blasphemy”

Beauty Help For Men

Unibrow isn’t a big problem here in Japan, but what’s an “herbivore man” to do when the furry bits above his eyes aren’t up to the esthé standard of his glowing skin and artfully styled hair? Eyebrow Template for Men to the rescue! Try on Straight, Natural or Cool styles, comb the unrulies up withContinueContinue reading “Beauty Help For Men”

Emo Santa

“Deck the halls with boughs of hemlock, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu, fu, fu, fu, fu…” Do you find red to be just too unbearably cheery? Think “Jingle Bells” ought to be remixed as “For Whom the Bell Tolls”? Well, finally there’s a Santa costume for those who would prefer to be The Un-Jolly Old Elf! Now Goths, death metalContinueContinue reading “Emo Santa”

Scary Santa

“Ho Ho Ho-rror!” You know how some kids are afraid to go sit on Santa’s lap, even if they really really really want a pony? Well, I bet all the Santa phobias in the known world can be traced back to an early childhood experience with someone like THIS. What was the package designer thinking,ContinueContinue reading “Scary Santa”

Dieting Made Easy

If you’ve been searching for a miracle diet that’s guaranteed to make you eat less – or not at all! – at every meal, your quest for the holy grail has ended! Introducing the “Curry Plate Of Shape Of Toilet.” Yes, this white porcelain plate is a perfect replica of a Japanese squat-style toilet. PairedContinueContinue reading “Dieting Made Easy”

Nightmare Or Skin Treatment? You Decide!

Wow, which one do I dread trying the most? It’s so hard to choose! As much as having my face covered in the kind of pond scum I remember eww-ing over in 10th grade Biology, lying there with snail slime perilously close to my nose and mouth might be worse. Both, however, are certainly trumpedContinueContinue reading “Nightmare Or Skin Treatment? You Decide!”

Costumes I Would Regret Even Thinking Of Wearing

What IS this? A rare species of face-eating nudibranch? A faded map of the 18th hole at Pebble Beach?  No! It’s a fake five o’clock shadow! This is an especially spectacular career-inhibitor if the costume-wearing prankster is a woman! Long, long after you reach what would have been retirement age if you’d ever been ableContinueContinue reading “Costumes I Would Regret Even Thinking Of Wearing”

Special today! $300 Mushrooms!

I had to stop and count the zeros, because I can honestly say that even in Japan, I’ve never seen a number of that size attached to a piece of FOOD. To be fair, this is a jumbo pack of matsutakes (they’re usually sold onesie-twosie), and the price per shroom works out to a bargainContinueContinue reading “Special today! $300 Mushrooms!”

And Today’s Japanese Pizza Mystery Ingredient Is…?

Blue Cheese? blaaat. Camembert? blaaat. Gouda? blaaat. Maple Syrup? BING-BONG! Yes, this month, Domino’s Japan will ship you a pizza bursting with four cheeses never before melted together on a crust, and some of Quebec’s finest pancake condiment to pour over the top! A taste treat to…remember. •

Costumes I Would Regret, Part Deux

Nothing says Career Killer like a shot of your grinning face leering at the camera from inside a beer mask, two-fisting some brewskies! Tokyu Hands once again comes through with a costume that makes you think, “Snap! I don’t even have to dress up!” but ends up producing dozens of eminently uploadable candids for everyone’s internet-viewingContinueContinue reading “Costumes I Would Regret, Part Deux”

Where To Get The Most Killer Profile Pix Ever

My friend Hiro deals with a pesky infestation of ninjas. Follow the directions posted on the wall next to each life-size, optical illusion painting at the Trick Art Museum in Odaiba, and your life will instantly look way more exciting than it actually is! A deadline sneaks up on the novelist Defying gravity with rigorous ninjaContinueContinue reading “Where To Get The Most Killer Profile Pix Ever”

Your Very Own Electronic Monk!

Tired of petitioning the Powers That Be every day for world peace, a winning lottery ticket, and for them to still have your size when those purple Fluevog boots you desperately want go on sale? Rest easy! Now you can let the Electronic Monk do your chanting for you! You’re just a couple of AAContinueContinue reading “Your Very Own Electronic Monk!”

Portaflush

Suddenly, you find yourself in a primitive public bathroom not equipped with a Sound Princess! What are you going to do to cover up unseemly noises, without wasting gallons and gallons of water?  Eco-oto to the rescue! Now you can make loud flushing sounds anytime, anywhere, from your very own mobile phone! The first timeContinueContinue reading “Portaflush”

The Peril Of The Red Panty

“Notice: When sleeping, “Red Panty” may cause you excite and make you sleepless. So put on ordinary color underwear when you sleep.” A thousand apologies for not immediately publishing this instruction sheet on how to properly use Lucky Red Underwear – I bet you were wondering about that mysterious case of insomnia that developed afterContinueContinue reading “The Peril Of The Red Panty”

Costumes I Would Regret

I must be doing something right, since I don’t have any Japanese friends who throw parties attended by anyone wearing THIS. Although not quite as permanent as  a tattoo, pictures of oneself wearing this attractive item would certainly circulate endlessly on the interwebs, thwarting one’s job advancement for millennia to come. •

Blood Type Wine

If I’d seen this anywhere but Japan, I’d think I’d stumbled into Transylvania, but here, nearly everybody posts their blood type on their Facebook profiles alongside their closest train station, and when asked “What’s your type?” by someone they just met at a drinking party, they know the answer isn’t, “Tall, dark and handsome.” The questionContinueContinue reading “Blood Type Wine”

The Idol and Monster Shop

Suddenly, you discover you have just too many monsters in your room! That collection you started when you were six has colonized every shelf and surface, leaving you nowhere to put the empty instant ramen cups that stack up during online gaming marathons. But what can you do? Chucking them in the recycle bin isContinueContinue reading “The Idol and Monster Shop”

Men: Kiss That Body Fur Goodbye

Our hapless hero starts his day by shaving his manly beard. “Ah, another day of work. Today I’m really going to kick some butt!” He gets to the office and looks around. Suddenly, he realizes One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others. “Why am I the only guy in this office who hasContinueContinue reading “Men: Kiss That Body Fur Goodbye”

Cherry Blossom Beer

Nothing goes together better than a park filled with clouds of pink cherry blossoms and beer! Prodigious amounts of the hoppy beverage are sold here at the end of March and beginning of April, and because Japanese beer is sold fresh – without preservatives, and usually within two weeks of being brewed – the brewersContinueContinue reading “Cherry Blossom Beer”

Manga Schoolgirl Dogs

A contender for the Iditarod cheering squad with her best friend, whose white sailor uniform must have gone through the wash with granny’s red underwear I didn’t think the Husky Club could outdo last month’s Husky kimono parade, but yesterday in honor of Japanese graduation season, they all turned up at the park dressed as mangaContinueContinue reading “Manga Schoolgirl Dogs”

Chair Socks

Today while I was waiting for my watch to be repaired at Seibu Loft, I spent some time browsing the ever-entertaining household product section. I saw these, and my first thought was, WTF,  *chair socks*? Little argyle chair socks? Apparently you put them on the bottoms of your chair legs so they slide easily onContinueContinue reading “Chair Socks”

The Edward Scissorhands School of Nail Art

You know you want these! You’ll merely have to hold up one hand to get out of dishwashing and other odious chores. In a boggling bow to sheer impracticality, the contestants in a recent Japanese nail/hair/makeup contest really took fingernails to a new level. Not only are they of ancient Chinese mandarin-like proportions, they must weighContinueContinue reading “The Edward Scissorhands School of Nail Art”

Can I Please Have The Red-Hot Pincers Instead?

I have no idea what these dried insect skins are supposed to cure, but whatever it is, I hope I never get it! I saw these in the window of a traditional pharmacy, along with equally unsavory dried worms, fungus and what I hope were roots, but could easily have been something with a farContinueContinue reading “Can I Please Have The Red-Hot Pincers Instead?”

Dogs In Kimonos

Love that this pair even have the white fur wraps girls always wear with their kimonos in wintertime! You can’t help but throw your head back and laugh in amazement when fifteen dogs parade by, dressed in Japanese formalwear. In honor of Hina Matsuri (the doll festival that happens every year at the beginning of March)ContinueContinue reading “Dogs In Kimonos”

Makeup for Men: Hell Yeah!

Ad for a line of foundation for men that lasts 24 hours before needing a touch-up. Okay, before you step into that steaming pile of sexist doo-doo, why not? Why shouldn’t men be able to cover up that unfortunate red thing between their eyes, or disguise the reminders of their teenage acne battle, just likeContinueContinue reading “Makeup for Men: Hell Yeah!”

Half Nakedness Prohibited

Floating above Shibuya, with the Yamanote Line trains rocketing by, is Miyashita Park, its carvalicious bowls, ledges, rails, ramps and quarter pipes a skater’s dream. Except for…The Rules. Drinking for enjoyment rather than rehydration: prohibited! Light up a smoke? Tanuki raccoon-dogs will carry you off to be executed by the death of a thousand cuts! Wax a ledge? NotContinueContinue reading “Half Nakedness Prohibited”

Happy Obligation Day

Okay, first of all, a dozen black roses to whoever decided women do all the giving on V-Day in Japan. They tried to band-aid over this egregious error by creating White Day on March 14 (on which men are supposed to triple-return the favor) but all that really did was create more giri-choco. Yes, ObligationContinueContinue reading “Happy Obligation Day”

Cola Beer and Other Cocktail Delights

Saw these advertised outside an izakaya in Ikebukuro last weekend. For your happy hour entertainment: RED EYE: Beer + tomato juice SHANDY GAFF: Beer + ginger ale DOUBLE BERRY: Beer + cassis + cranberry PEACH HEART: Beer + shō-chū + white peach ROYAL YEBISU: Beer + royal jelly + lemon honey DOUBLE BLACK: Dark beer +ContinueContinue reading “Cola Beer and Other Cocktail Delights”

I Guess They Ran Out of Girl Mannequins

Walking through my local Daiei, I thought there was something a little funny about the display in front of the elementary school book bags. Sure enough, the “girl” in the faux private school uniform definitely got drafted from the boys’ department. Maybe they wanted to ride the cosplay theme set by the anime-style mannequins usedContinueContinue reading “I Guess They Ran Out of Girl Mannequins”

Politeness Battle Royale

No Japanese game show would be complete without punishment for the losers! In Max Keigo, the impolite are beaten about the head and shoulders by a diabolical robot boss. Yes, it’s a Japanese game show that pits teams of quick-witted experts against each other to see who can be more…HONORIFIC! If you’ve ever studied Japanese,ContinueContinue reading “Politeness Battle Royale”

How to Glue Your Eyelids

I’ve always wondered how to use eyelid glue. I knew it was a prime  tool in the make-up kits of Japanese gyaru seeking that perfect babydoll look, but never understood just how it worked. Then I discovered this handy guide in Kera magazine! Basically, “Western” eyelids have a deep fold above them and Japanese eyes don’t.ContinueContinue reading “How to Glue Your Eyelids”

This Will Never Be On My Grocery List

I was browsing the meat section at my local super the other night, trying to get some inspiration for dinner, when I noticed it must be shirako season. Have to say, that fact didn’t help me much with my meal planning, since I pretty much never get a craving for fish testicles. While I have eatenContinueContinue reading “This Will Never Be On My Grocery List”

Gray is the New Blonde

Even weirder than the trend of wearing black rimmed glasses without any lenses is the phenomenon of young Japanese dyeing their hair gray. I’ve seen most of these in Shibuya, so it might be confined to outliers who’ve already cycled through red, blonde, pink, blue, and purple. Maybe gray is the only color that’s safeContinueContinue reading “Gray is the New Blonde”

The Virtual Cemetery

The Eternal Use Virtual Grave fits a peculiar need in Japan. With fewer people marrying and having children, the number of people who are the last in their family lines is increasing. In Japan, this is especially sad, because not only does this leave you without anyone to organize your periodic death anniversary parties, nobody shows upContinueContinue reading “The Virtual Cemetery”

I’ll Have the Eel Sundae with a Cherry on Top

Yep, it’s actually eel-flavored ice cream. With a handy packet of sanshō pepper on top for your take-out dining pleasure! At the Cup Ice Store you can buy individual servings of this and many other flavors that at best might be described as…interesting. Like this India Curry Ice Cream. Does it come in a naan cone?ContinueContinue reading “I’ll Have the Eel Sundae with a Cherry on Top”

Fake Fur Santa Miniskirts

It’s the time of year when young Japanese women are shopping for their Christmas Eve outfits, and nothing says “romantic holiday” more eloquently than a bright red, fake fur miniskirt. Nobody wants to look like every other Sexy Santa on the block, though, so it pays to consider the sequined, strapless, and lace-up models beforeContinueContinue reading “Fake Fur Santa Miniskirts”

Deck the Halls with Blue Poinsettias

In the land where Christmas isn’t a religious or family holiday – it’s actually second only to Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for romantic dates and marriage proposals – “traditions” are viewed more as “suggestions.” This year, apparently red and green are a little Last Millennium when it comes to festive seasonal decorations. •

Christmas Hats from Hell

In the true spirit of the season, here are a couple of jolly Christmas hats that say, “Ho, ho, ho, fork over your wallet, buddy!” and “I’m having such a bad hair day that even a pile of chartreuse fake fur with fuzzy pompoms looked better!” • “I don’t know when I’ve been more caught upContinueContinue reading “Christmas Hats from Hell”

Congratulations! Your Test Has Been Preponed!

This kanji reads “ganbaru,” which is usually translated as “good luck” but which actually means “try hard.” This explains Japan better than any other example I can think of. We all groaned when the Japanese kanji teacher handed us this week’s schedule: on Friday, in addition to her weekly test on the 25 characters we were supposed toContinueContinue reading “Congratulations! Your Test Has Been Preponed!”

Steaming Hot Orange Soda

For your wintertime beverage enjoyment, behold the Hot Orange. At first I figured the distributor was just getting rid of last summer’s overstock, but the packaging definitely says this vending machine offering is not only meant to be drunk steaming hot, it’ll deliver a dose of vitamin C to fend off those pesky winter colds.ContinueContinue reading “Steaming Hot Orange Soda”

Your One-Stop Shop for Cold Drinks and Heart Defibrillation

I’ve seen AED stations all over Japan (and of course applaud the effort to get emergency equipment into the hands of bystanders so they can help someone having a heart attack) but hmm, this one made me think twice about buying that extra-caffeinated coffee drink… •

Elf/Dwarf Confusion

While we ‘re on the subject of Christmas in November, every year these sinister nodding dwarves appear outside the Meidi-ya supermarket in Hiroo. They’re definitely of the Snow-White-and-the-Seven variety rather than the elvenfolk who slave away helping Santa come across with the Christmas goodies. I learned today in my Japanese class that there’s a wordContinueContinue reading “Elf/Dwarf Confusion”

Colonel Santa

The day after Halloween, I knew it was a bad sign when I heard music in my local supermarket that sounded suspiciously like “The First Noel,” but when I spotted The Colonel duded up in his Santa suit today, Season Creep was confirmed. Without Thanksgiving as a sort of cultural moat between Halloween and Christmas, JapaneseContinueContinue reading “Colonel Santa”

Coffee, Tea, or a Shot of Hot Red Beans?

It’s the season when warm drinks reappear in vending machines all over Japan, offering morning jolts of coffee, black tea, cocoa, green tea and…red bean soup? Yes, it’s time for shiruko, that wintertime favorite made from crushed sweet red beans, thinned so it can be slurped from a can in an alleyway on the wayContinueContinue reading “Coffee, Tea, or a Shot of Hot Red Beans?”

No Rescuing Allowed

Tokyo Metro subway poster at Ichigaya station, Yūrakachō line. This is the first time I’ve seen a Japanese subway poster advising people NOT to follow their noblest instincts. Usually the general public is being admonished to silence their cell phones, put their makeup on at home, crank their earphones down, not pass out on theContinueContinue reading “No Rescuing Allowed”