Who knew that aluminum could be the key to that holy grail of pulchritude, the small face? Apparently, it has become the flavor of the month when it comes to head shrinking in Japan. Strap on one of these “aluminum head spa” products to minimize your watermelon of a noggin whilst you shower! And in caseContinueContinue reading “The Newest Ways To Get A Small Face”
Author Archives: Jonelle Patrick
Slaves Of Chrysanthemums
Chrysanthemum growers, You are the slaves Of chrysanthemums. I must admit I didn’t fully understand Basho’s haiku until I saw these astonishing examples of chrysanthemum husbandry at the Yushima Tenjin Shrine last weekend… Yes, this is ONE plant! This style always makes me think of the Yoyogi Park rockabillies’ hair! All the specimens have to bloomContinueContinue reading “Slaves Of Chrysanthemums”
Nyan Gloves
You know you want to get your paws on a pair of these! •
Holy Mother Of…?!
I’ll see your Our Lady Of Rude Kustoms and raise you a scorpion tattoo! This shining example of Extreme Decorative Engrish goes on to inexplicably include God and France in an unholy existential alliance: “The God and France think whether exist this worldIt might exist if the God and France existReally we think that theContinueContinue reading “Holy Mother Of…?!”
It’s Never Too Early To Begin The Training, Part Deux
It’s never too early for girls to learn what a barrel of fun it is to do the laundry and ironing. Suggested for ages two and up. •
What’s Wrong With These Desserts…?
Luscious strawberries…succulent peaches…flaky pastry…fresh whipped cream…all topped off with…PARSLEY. Yes, the fluffy little herb that rocked the 1950s sits inexplicably atop this otherwise tasty-looking fruit tart, and the strangest thing is, this wasn’t a random garnish fail. How about a big bite of Mont Blanc desert-itude featuring candied chestnuts, chocolate, custard, cream…and PARSLEY? Or banana-cream-caramelContinueContinue reading “What’s Wrong With These Desserts…?”
Porta-Bidet To The Rescue!
“For men AND women.” Because everybody needs a spanking clean oshiri! Penetrate even the most robo-toilet deficient corners of the globe with confidence, now that you can travel with your magic bottom-washing wand! Just crank it onto a pet bottle full of water (or fill the slightly cumbersome plastic reservoir with local H2O), aim that bad boy,ContinueContinue reading “Porta-Bidet To The Rescue!”
Giant Faux White Herons
It’s not every day I nip out to the local shrine for a little photo taking and run into gaggle of women dressed as eight foot tall birds. Japan can be weird, but it’s not usually this weird! They were performing a thousand-year-old dance called Shirasagi no Mai, which means (unsurprisingly), White Heron Dance. It was originally performedContinueContinue reading “Giant Faux White Herons”
Japanese Date Prep Bible…For Men
In Japan, guys can’t just strap on their pelt of chest hair and drag a woman back to their cave. From the pages of Men’s Knuckle magazine: how to get ready for a date in eleven painstaking steps, as recommended by their hostly expert! 1: Take a shower (okay, DUH.) 2: Shave your legs. Yeah,ContinueContinue reading “Japanese Date Prep Bible…For Men”
Our Lady Of Gangsta
I’m a little confused by the golden dreidel on the front, but hey, Our Skeletal Lady Of Golden Gangsta is probably A-OK with whatever faith you’re keeping… If you’re planning to shake down a few grannies or threaten some loan-shirkers with a Louisville Slugger, don’t leave the house without donning your Blood Money brand track suit!ContinueContinue reading “Our Lady Of Gangsta”
Spooky Sushi
Vampire-maki. Bwahahaha, you’d better bite this sushi before it bites you! But if you think that’s the scariest food you might encounter this Halloween season, think again… Arachno-futomaki The Goth sushi of choice. Scream Roll. Photos from http://ameblo.jp/kururinzushi. •
“What May I Pick Up For You, Master Of The House?”
Now anyone can be All-Master-All-The-Time with these maid-themed chopsticks from Tokyu Hands! While they may not be too ace at drawing cat whiskers on your ome-rice, you can probably beat them with great regularity at Jenga… •
You’re A Sexy WHAT?
What’s a girl to do if she needs a fetching Halloween costume for the company drinkathon, but doesn’t want to show up in the same maid costume all the OLs are wearing or be the only female AKB48 impersonator? Bunnychan Club costume design to the rescue! The only problem is, it’s so hard to decideContinueContinue reading “You’re A Sexy WHAT?”
Fruity Toilet Paper
Would your nether parts prefer green grape, purple grape or peach? Is it just me, or is toilet paper that smells like something you’d eat a little…um, no thanks? •
Break Glass In Case Of Poetry
Wandering the grounds at Hikone Castle, I came across this curious little box on a post. It had cards, it had a writing shelf, it had a slot for depositing the cards after one had used the writing shelf. I couldn’t read the kanji on the front. What was it? A suggestion box? Why wouldContinueContinue reading “Break Glass In Case Of Poetry”
Doll Eyes
100% Japanese? A-yup! I’ve always wondered, how do ordinary 100% Japanese women get that round-eyed babydoll look? Fortunately, Ageha magazine hired a pro makeup artist to spill all the secrets! Here’s where she started: She’s already got a head start on the hair bleaching and eyelid glue, and she’s no stranger to makeup and fakeContinueContinue reading “Doll Eyes”
Unnatural Fruits Of Japan
I must have spent too much time in Japan, because the last time I passed my local Super Expensive Fruit Store (where they always ask if you’d like your purchase gift wrapped!), I actually found myself wishing I’d been invited somewhere that would require a gift of produce that’s as pricey as a good bottleContinueContinue reading “Unnatural Fruits Of Japan”
Bento Lunchboxes…For Dogs
Where’s m-i-i-i-ine? You’ve been up since five, crafting the childrens’ Pikachu lunchboxes, but now the little darlings are blessedly off to school and it’s time to start worrying about your Shiba Inu Club meeting today. You just know all the other owners are going to dress their pooches in kimonos and bring along little tupperwares ofContinueContinue reading “Bento Lunchboxes…For Dogs”
Japanese Apartment-Sized Party Games
Here in Japan, even if your apartment is as small as a postage stamp, you can still invite your friends over for a rousing game of Twister. •
Instaboobs
No matter how unlucky you were when they were handing out the bodacious ta-tas, in less than five minutes – without any miracle creams, thighmasters-for-the-boobs, or push-up bras – you too can sport some righteous cleavage! All you need is the handy makeup instructions in Gal Mori magazine and a few carefully chosen shades ofContinueContinue reading “Instaboobs”
Akihabara At Night
If Electric Town makes your heart beat faster during the day, just wait until nighttime! Crowds of Forever Alones and idol worshippers alike are drawn to its pulsing neon, mesmerized by the glow. Robot lovers and idol fanboys stream toward the side by side Gundam Cafe and AKB48 center. The whole neighborhood is bathed inContinueContinue reading “Akihabara At Night”
Hey, It’s Sushi O’Clock!
Best. Purchase. Ever. How many ways do I love Kappabashi, the street where Tokyo restaurants go to shop? If you’d like to visit Kappabashi Street the next time you’re in Tokyo, visit my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had. •
Squicky Cow Parts Chowdown
Hey, are you ready to grill up some tasty fourth stomach of cow tonight? Or maybe you’d prefer first stomach? Let’s get one of each, to compare! Then for chasers, how about a nice plate of diaphragm? And…let’s see…it’s always so hard to decide between large intestine and small, especially when there are three kinds ofContinueContinue reading “Squicky Cow Parts Chowdown”
Bride Of Scissorhands
What’s a girl to do when her fiancé has nails that will certainly siphon off all kinds of attention that should rightly belong to the bride on her big day? Extreme nail design to the rescue! With rocks so big, they’ll require extra biceps work just to hold the bouquet, Bridezilla won’t have to fightContinueContinue reading “Bride Of Scissorhands”
Deep-Fried Bacon On A Stick
So you know how people are always going on about how super healthy Japanese food is, and that’s why nobody is Japan gets heart attacks or is fat, etc. etc. bla bla bla? Well, put this in your pipe and smoke it! Deep. Fried. Bacon. On a stick. A Japanese friend suggested meeting at a kushiage restaurant, butContinueContinue reading “Deep-Fried Bacon On A Stick”
The King Tut of Lunchboxing
I didn’t think making a Japanese bento box could get any MORE labor intensive, but bless my tweezers and nail scissors, yesterday I saw The King Tut Bento. Feast your eyes on that pharaoh-sized nori-maki, plus a pair of hieroglyphic eye-rolls, suitable for sumo wrestler-size appetites! The hand-rolled works of art alone would require me toContinueContinue reading “The King Tut of Lunchboxing”
Wack Hats For Cats
More cat hat madness at http://fuwanene.exblog.jp I just discovered a Japanese website featuring a slightly demonic black cat, who demonstrates just how rewarding cat hat tatting can be. This foxy feline has trained his human servant to turn out ever more seasonal and powerful headgear, so year-round, he can infiltrate the ranks of noble samurai,ContinueContinue reading “Wack Hats For Cats”
Shocked Socks
Saw these the last time I was in Asakusa. Had to laugh! If you’d like to visit the Asakusa area the next time you’re in Tokyo, visit my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had. •
All Black, All The Time
The first time I explored a Japanese department store, I was excited to see that they had an entire department devoted to clothes in my favorite color: black! Then a Japanese friend explained: it was the mofuku department. Funeralwear. Yes, in the Land of Extreme Specialization, people maintain a whole set of clothes and accessories specifically designedContinueContinue reading “All Black, All The Time”
You’re Never Too Young To Start The Training
Yes, young padawan, if you want to grow up to be a powerful host club master, it is never to early to start the training. Faux Louis Vuitton sandals: check. Silver studded black vest: check. Hair waxed, sprayed and bleached to perfection: check, check, check! The Force is strong in this one. This photo isContinueContinue reading “You’re Never Too Young To Start The Training”
Wrapping Paper That’s Too Nice For Any Present
Cats at the public bath! There’s one problem with shopping at the chiyogami store in Yanaka – in a matter of minutes, my shopping basket was stacked with ten times the number of sheets I came for, and all of them were whispering, “Frame me!” Even though the paper isn’t expensive, I knew when I gotContinueContinue reading “Wrapping Paper That’s Too Nice For Any Present”
It Looks Like a Burrito. It Says It’s a Burrito. But…
Okay, even though it claims in English to be a HOT & DELICIOUS BURRITO, I should have known that anything resembling a slightly overgrown packet of saltine crackers was going to deliver nothing but disappointment. But in case I had any doubts, it says right there on the package in Japanese: Bolognese & cheese. Unclear-on-the-nationalityContinueContinue reading “It Looks Like a Burrito. It Says It’s a Burrito. But…”
Gonna Wash That Woman Right Out Of My Hair…
An all-Japanese, all-female, stage production of South Pacific? A play in which not only are most of the main characters undeniably male, they’re also employed in fighting against, uh, THE JAPANESE…?! This latest theatre poster promises a show more boggling than the all-Japanese production of Amadeus, the all-Japanese version of Fiddler On The Roof, and all-female stage renditionContinueContinue reading “Gonna Wash That Woman Right Out Of My Hair…”
Slightly Creepy, And Yet…
Solve the perennial problem of having to listen to the life story of the ex-schoolteacher from Peoria on your next flight out of Tokyo by donning one of these luridly realistic eye masks! Choose from Unblinking Mass Murderer, Flight Panic Stare, Mad Scientist Who Is Looking For Subjects For His Next Experiment, Loony Bin Escapee,ContinueContinue reading “Slightly Creepy, And Yet…”
The Perfect Barbie Wedding
This ain’t no bridesmaid dress – in Japan, brides disappear about halfway through the reception and return in a the princess-y gown of their dreams. After you finally got Kenji to go down on one plastic bendable knee and propose, what could be more perfect than to dress up like Barbie for the wedding? InContinueContinue reading “The Perfect Barbie Wedding”
Cooking With Junk Food
From the test kitchens of intrepid single guys come these taste treats, made solely from junk food obtainable at any corner convenience store! Let’s accompany the judges as they determine just what combos deliver a flavor bomb that has nothing to do with the ingredients! ••• Sticky Fermented Soybeans + Vanilla Ice Cream = TurkishContinueContinue reading “Cooking With Junk Food”
St. Nyancat Of Matchmaking
Those lovely dangling mobiles are a favorite Girls’ Day decoration If you want to find the gf/bf of your dreams, this is the place to do it! The gods of the Imado Shrine in Asakusa are apparently better at forking over perfect mates than the yenta in Fiddler On The Roof. This shrine is alsoContinueContinue reading “St. Nyancat Of Matchmaking”
Salad Pizza
Now that we’re deep into the dog days of summer, doesn’t the very idea of nomming down a hot slice heaped with stomach-bombing meats kind of make you shudder? Enter…the Salad Pizza! Sure to please the ever-dieting bikini wearers as well as the lone vegetarian throwing a wrench into the Friday night beer fest, thisContinueContinue reading “Salad Pizza”
What’s Hard and Wild and Comes In A Can?
Why, iced coffee of course. What were YOU thinking? •
Make Your Own Adorable Butt Pudding
Today’s gourmet challenge: 「オラのかわいいおしりたべてみろう…？」”Do we dare to eat this adorable butt?” Of all the WTF Japan products I’ve seen, this has to be the absolutely WTFiest. JIGGLY. WHITE. BUTT. PUDDING. According to the directions on the back, using only this mix, a microwave and a mold shaped exactly like the well-know derriere of the beloved comicContinueContinue reading “Make Your Own Adorable Butt Pudding”
Tokyo Tower, On A Rainy Night
It’s still rainy season in Tokyo, but that just means more opportunities to take beautiful pictures at night! Here’s Tokyo’s beloved orange replica of the Eiffel Tower, shining through the raindrops running down the window of my friend’s car… •
What The Well-Dressed Suitcase Is Wearing This Season
Now your bag doesn’t have to travel naked anymore, thanks to these fashionable luggage togs I saw recently at Shibuya Loft! Made of stretchy knits that zip up snugly around your suitcase, they not only prevent the contents from exploding all over some distant baggage claim in a case of Dreaded Latch Failure, they’ll alsoContinueContinue reading “What The Well-Dressed Suitcase Is Wearing This Season”
Hangover Coffins: Rent ‘Em By The Hour
Next time you wake up and feel like you’ve died and gone to hell, spend an hour sleeping off that mandatory company drinking party in an oxygen-filled hangover coffin! You’ll not only emerge without that pounding head and queasy stomach, you’ll feel thinner, younger, more relaxed and able to perform feats of athletic prowess withContinueContinue reading “Hangover Coffins: Rent ‘Em By The Hour”
Emergency Parenting Supplies
The baggage sling under the stroller belonging to the family I saw on the train the other day wasn’t carrying diapers or baby food or extra clothes or toys. Just a giant bottle of saké. •
Pooping On Laundry Prohibited!
Okay, this sign actually reads “Don’t Give Food To The Pigeons!” but it goes on to give a rather elaborate rationale for withholding bread crumbs from the little beggars. It seems that not only will feeding them provoke an unnatural population explosion, the poop from all those extra pigeons will be a scourge on localContinueContinue reading “Pooping On Laundry Prohibited!”
Today’s Beauty Quiz: Are You Young Enough To Have Gray Hair?
Elephant Gray. In case you want to look big, as well as gray. These days in Tokyo, the only people with black hair are those whose hair is actually gray, and the only people with gray hair are those whose hair is naturally black. To determine which group you should be in, take this handyContinueContinue reading “Today’s Beauty Quiz: Are You Young Enough To Have Gray Hair?”
Monkey Business
I was walking around the Decks shopping complex in Odaiba, and suddenly, MONKEY SHOW. Seriously. Right in the middle of the mall. A monkey show. Of course, trained monkeys have been entertaining people for a long time in Japan – the tradition dates back to before the samurai era – but usually you have toContinueContinue reading “Monkey Business”
The Boyfriend Of Your Dreams For Only $70!
He doesn’t leave his socks on the floor, he doesn’t hog the remote, and he doesn’t snore! But when you close your eyes and wrap your arms around your full-body-size hunk of burnin’ love and plug in your earphones, he’ll lull you to sleep by whispering sweet nothings in your ear! You’ll never have toContinueContinue reading “The Boyfriend Of Your Dreams For Only $70!”
Slightly Unclear On The Concept: Cookies & Creme Muffins
Isn’t the whole purpose of “cookies & creme” flavored snackables to allow us to deceive ourselves about just how many Oreos we’re pounding down, disguised as a more sophisticated food item? Not in Japan! Front and center, baby, with sugar on top! •
Tokyo Streets At Night, Shining In The Rain
It’s rainy season in Tokyo right now. But the steamy, gray, days turn into magical warm nights, the pavement shining like a river of melted neon… •
Only In Japan 