Japanese Date Prep Bible…For Men

BeautyRoutine

In Japan, guys can’t just strap on their pelt of chest hair and drag a woman back to their cave. From the pages of Men’s Knuckle magazine: how to get ready for a date in eleven painstaking steps, as recommended by their hostly expert!

1: Take a shower (okay, DUH.)

2: Shave your legs. Yeah, men, we’re talkin’ to YOU. And while you’re at it, de-fur all other visible body parts too.

3: Exfoliate your lips

4: Lotion up your finger webs

5: Peel at least one layer of skin off your feet

6: Manicure your nails, extra points for polish

7: Fumigate those pits

8: Check for belly fat and make farting noises with your armpit. Okay, not really. The Host With The Most recommends using mysterious roller devices to give yourself a relaxing massage.

9: Freshen up your breath with no fewer than five minty products.

10: Any skin not yet pomaded, do it now.

11: Nix the Axe and dab a little Eros Platinum on your pulse points to drive the girls wild.

Now don your pointy shoes, shiny suit and makeup, and get out there and swing the bat!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, now out for the first time in paperback!

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