Japanese Date Prep Bible…For Men

BeautyRoutine

In Japan, guys can’t just strap on their pelt of chest hair and drag a woman back to their cave. From the pages of Men’s Knuckle magazine: how to get ready for a date in eleven painstaking steps, as recommended by their hostly expert!

1: Take a shower (okay, DUH.)

2: Shave your legs. Yeah, men, we’re talkin’ to YOU. And while you’re at it, de-fur all other visible body parts too.

3: Exfoliate your lips

4: Lotion up your finger webs

5: Peel at least one layer of skin off your feet

6: Manicure your nails, extra points for polish

7: Fumigate those pits

8: Check for belly fat and make farting noises with your armpit. Okay, not really. The Host With The Most recommends using mysterious roller devices to give yourself a relaxing massage.

9: Freshen up your breath with no fewer than five minty products.

10: Any skin not yet pomaded, do it now.

11: Nix the Axe and dab a little Eros Platinum on your pulse points to drive the girls wild.

Now don your pointy shoes, shiny suit and makeup, and get out there and swing the bat!

Read a novel set in Tokyo

The #1 hostboy at Club Nova makes a handsome living, whispering sweet nothings in the ears of women who pay him a fortune for the privilege. But the party’s over when Tokyo Detective Kenji Nakamura is assigned to investigate the death of…read more