In Japan, guys can’t just strap on their pelt of chest hair and drag a woman back to their cave. From the pages of Men’s Knuckle magazine: how to get ready for a date in eleven painstaking steps, as recommended by their hostly expert!
1: Take a shower (okay, DUH.)
2: Shave your legs. Yeah, men, we’re talkin’ to YOU. And while you’re at it, de-fur all other visible body parts too.
3: Exfoliate your lips
4: Lotion up your finger webs
5: Peel at least one layer of skin off your feet
6: Manicure your nails, extra points for polish
7: Fumigate those pits
8: Check for belly fat and make farting noises with your armpit. Okay, not really. The Host With The Most recommends using mysterious roller devices to give yourself a relaxing massage.
9: Freshen up your breath with no fewer than five minty products.
10: Any skin not yet pomaded, do it now.
11: Nix the Axe and dab a little Eros Platinum on your pulse points to drive the girls wild.
Now don your pointy shoes, shiny suit and makeup, and get out there and swing the bat!
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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly e-magazine Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had
