Author Archives: Jonelle Patrick

Would You Like Fries On That?

Your eyes do not deceive you: right there between the mustardy-mayo and the all-beef patty is a honkin’ deep-fried swadge of hash browns. In an attempt to challenge the Gurakoro for carb supremacy, this Idaho Burger sneaks in the equivalent of a side of fries, in addition to the side of fries. And see howContinueContinue reading “Would You Like Fries On That?”

What Girls’ Day Could Be Complete Without Emperor Anpanman?

Put the power of Anpanman and Melonpanna to work for you with this set of Girls’ Day dolls from the animated parallel universe where bread is king! Or emperor and empress, as the case may be. Regular Honorable Dolls set out on Girls’ Day have the power to get rid of evil spirits and spitefullyContinueContinue reading “What Girls’ Day Could Be Complete Without Emperor Anpanman?”

Lights! Camera! Wedding!

The fairy tale chapel in this subway ad has nothing to do with religion – it’s actually a new wedding hall outside of Yokohama! Traditionally, Japanese couples got married in a shrine with only immediate family in attendance, then threw a reception party afterwards at a restaurant or nice hotel. But recently, wedding halls andContinueContinue reading “Lights! Camera! Wedding!”

Tea: Not Just For Toddlers Anymore

Baby tea comes in mugi-cha (barley tea) and hoji-cha (roasted decaf green tea) flavors. In Japan, you’re never too young to start drinking tea! Now even babies can take a break from the hard work of learning that the hand that just hit them in the face is actually attached to the end of theirContinueContinue reading “Tea: Not Just For Toddlers Anymore”

Shop ‘n Chill

So you get to the Ginza Mitsukoshi department store food hall bright and early to nab a coveted bunch of First Grapes Of The Season before they’re sold out, then you spot a nice piece of salmon for dinner. You buy it before remembering that you have to go to the dentist after doing yourContinueContinue reading “Shop ‘n Chill”

“Ocean’s 11”: All-New, All-Japanese And All-Female!

From left to right: Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Julia Roberts, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Shaobo Qin, and Don Cheadle The Takurazuka stage production of the classic caper film naturally features the usual all-female cast, with lots of choice roles for the otokoyaku actresses who specialize in male roles! Taking a page from the training traditionsContinueContinue reading ““Ocean’s 11”: All-New, All-Japanese And All-Female!”

Magical Food At The Ninja Restaurant

I have to admit, until last week I’d never been to a restaurant where my waitress brought me an egg, set it on fire and turned it into a chicken. Apparently, when the waitress is a ninja, this is no big deal. A minor exertion, in fact, after conjuring up a drawbridge so we couldContinueContinue reading “Magical Food At The Ninja Restaurant”

A Japanese Garden That Makes Music

This garden is actually a musical instrument! All you have to do to play it is scoop up a dipper of water and pour it over the rocks. If you put your ear up to the end of the bamboo stick nearby, you can hear the water as it drips down into the buried cistern,ContinueContinue reading “A Japanese Garden That Makes Music”

Tevye-san!

If I were a rich-san, yooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby doo! Yes, it’s the all-Japanese production of Fiddler On The Roof! I’d like to meet the yenta who put this one together! It seriously challenges the productions of Mozart-san and AKB48 idols starring in Peter Pan for the Local Interpretation Award. •

Why Do Only Men Get Chocolate On Valentine’s Day?

This picture actually has nothing to do with the strange interpretation of Valentine’s Day in Japan, but doesn’t it look like there’s a big blue heart in the sky over the shrine next to my apartment? So, you know how in Japan, women don’t get any chocolate or roses or 600 carat diamond necklaces onContinueContinue reading “Why Do Only Men Get Chocolate On Valentine’s Day?”

Japanese Latte Art: Cuteness By The Cup

All kinds of art creates buzz, but not many deliver the added bonus of tasting like a fine arabica roast while they’re doing it. Baristas the world over compete for foam finesse, but few can rival Japan’s coffee artistes when it comes to sheer cuteness. These are all cups of coffee I was served atContinueContinue reading “Japanese Latte Art: Cuteness By The Cup”

Funeral For A Pin

In Japan, February 8th is the day that old and broken needles are laid to rest. Anyone whose work involves sewing stuff together gathers at Awashima Shrine in Asakusa for a requiem service to thank their old needles and pins for good and faithful service. During the harikuyo memorial service, seamstresses, tailors, shoemakers, and milliners approachContinueContinue reading “Funeral For A Pin”

Fish Bone Crackers

骨煎餅（ほねせんべい／hone senbei） Look! Look! They have fish bone crackers on the menu at this izakaya! I love fish bone crackers! What? Oh, haha, don’t you mean “fish bone” crackers? Uh, no. That would be fish bone “crackers.” Eww, does that mean what I think it means? Yeah, they’re made from real fish bones. Little fishieContinueContinue reading “Fish Bone Crackers”

What The Well-Dressed God Is Wearing This Season

As I walked through the grounds of Zojo-ji Temple after watching some obligatory bean-throwing at Setsubun, I couldn’t help but notice that several of the figures of o-Jizo-sama had been gifted with quite the fashionable winter outfits! But while these displays of Jizo fashion creativity made me smile, they made me kind of sad too.ContinueContinue reading “What The Well-Dressed God Is Wearing This Season”

Out, Troll, Out! Setsubun For The Modern Age

While everyone was congratulating themselves on demon possession being at an all time low…damn! The pesky oni sneaked out and rebranded themselves! But that doesn’t mean we have to just lie back and let ourselves get trolled! Setsubun is the perfect holiday for showing those rickrollers the door. Here’s how: Chances are, you have aContinueContinue reading “Out, Troll, Out! Setsubun For The Modern Age”

From Sixteen Nearly-Extinct Barley Seeds…

Only in Japan would a guy bent on coming up with a new brewskie start by requesting sixteen seeds of a nearly annihilated strain of barley from the Department of Agricultural History, then spend years cultivating his little two-foot-square patch of grain into a crop big enough to malt for production! After-work company drinking partiesContinueContinue reading “From Sixteen Nearly-Extinct Barley Seeds…”

The Hottest New Look In…Aprons?

You’re joking, right? Aprons? Nope, even the venerable Mitsukoshi department store has an extensive apron department. Aprons with ruffles. Aprons with bows. Little black cocktail aprons. But why? It wasn’t until I was invited to a friend’s house for a dinner party that I understood. Japanese entertaining has traditionally been done in restaurants, and it’s only recentlyContinueContinue reading “The Hottest New Look In…Aprons?”

For Those Days When Your Dog Wakes Up Looking Like A Dog’s Breakfast…

Dog Hair Arrange magazine! Now you don’t have to pay those high salon prices for righteous bouffants or stylin’ extensions! This DIY publication teaches you everything you need to know about giving your pooch the latest cut n’ color! RastaPoodle! Where’s my plaid skirt? And my favorite: ROCKABILLY SPANIEL! •  

Oh Yay, It’s Deep-Fried Fish Testicle Season

Yep, that’s it: “Shirako Tempura,” front and center on the menu I was handed at the izakaya Friday night. (Or if you’re slimming, you can slurp them down raw for only ¥399, with little chopped veggies lurking on the side.) If you’re in Tokyo from Nov-Mar and are brave enough to try this delicacy, walk through theContinueContinue reading “Oh Yay, It’s Deep-Fried Fish Testicle Season”

Garbage Police Of The Gods

Don’t even think of tossing your Daruma figures, dolls or stuffed animals in the Divine Trash Bin! The very existence of this sign on the collection point outside the Meiji Shrine suggests there’s a major issue with people chronically flinging the Wrong Sort Of Stuff into the sacred  New Year’s bonfires: grubby Pikachus, dolls that haveContinueContinue reading “Garbage Police Of The Gods”

Today’s Special Guest: Winter

Conveniently scheduled for a national holiday so hundreds of thousands of commuters wouldn’t be inconvenienced by trains that occasionally had to pause while snow and/or ice and/or tree limbs could be cleared from the tracks, this year’s 24 hours of winter did not disappoint! Snow bucketed down from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. as theContinueContinue reading “Today’s Special Guest: Winter”

Stealth Holidays Of Japan

Nooooo! How could it be Monday morning already? If I hide my head under the pillow, will it go away? Ugh, even through the pillow, I can hear the rain. Wow, I really, really, really, really don’t want to get out of bed. Or get packed onto a train full of snuffling commuters and wetContinueContinue reading “Stealth Holidays Of Japan”

For All Your Crossdressing Costume Needs

Now a guy no longer has to waste hours in front of the mirror, practicing lying to the cashier at Tokyu Hands that he’s buying that sparkly pink Power Ranger dress for his girlfriend! This product is clearly labeled BOY RANGER (with the helpful subtitle “BOYS” beneath, written in phonetic katakana for the kanji-challenged customer).ContinueContinue reading “For All Your Crossdressing Costume Needs”

Coffin Nails For Lefties

Were the lion of the Cuban Revolución to make a little posthumous visit to Japan from Guerilla Heaven, he might be surprised (and possibly more than a little outraged) to find himself shilling for cigarettes from beyond the grave! At least they’re a nice Marxist red. •

Just Try To Toss Your Round Garbage Into My Square Garbage Bin NOW!

DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU. What is with you people?! It says right here, RIGHT ON THE RECYCLING BIN, in the kind of phonetic letters ANY SIX-YEAR-OLD should be able to handle: P A P E R    P A C K Does that say “plastic” to you? Seriously, people, read the sign. ThisContinueContinue reading “Just Try To Toss Your Round Garbage Into My Square Garbage Bin NOW!”

More Japanese Lunchbox Madness

Now that I’m about to reveal to you the secrets of making this twin tiger Japanese bento lunch, there’s no excuse for you not to pull an all-nighter to whip one of these up for your little darlings! 1: Trace the tiger face patterns in the back of the magazine onto baking grade tissue paperContinueContinue reading “More Japanese Lunchbox Madness”

I’ve Always Wanted Red Eyes!

Nothing will provoke lively dinner conversation more than returning to the familial nest for the New Year’s holidays with…red eyes! Or if goat/alien is more your style: yellow! Of course, if either parent is prone to heart attacks, you might want to choose something slightly less alien, like blue or green. As an added bonus,Venus EyesContinueContinue reading “I’ve Always Wanted Red Eyes!”

Pizza of Christmas

Why not take a break from the typical Christmas feast of fried chicken* and order a festive pizza instead? This beauty from Pizza Hut delivers something for everyone on your list! Korean BBQ! Squid! Hot dogs! Bacon! Mayo! And in case you’ve got some die-hard traditionalists, note that Pizza Hut has wisely done a distributionContinueContinue reading “Pizza of Christmas”

Rude Gnomes

As a sort of matter/anti-matter reaction to the See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil Gnomes, the same artist presents the F U Gnome. The Xmas-seasonal appearance of these, er, art objects suggests there has been continuing elf/dwarf/gnome cross-cultural confusion with regard to Santa and his workforce. I admit I’m quite curious aboutContinueContinue reading “Rude Gnomes”

All I Want For Christmas Is A Magical Body

And all I need to do to get one is stop by the Shibjuya Loft store and plonk down ¥6000! Magical Socks are apparently included, as an extra bonus. On the other hand, maybe it would be better to display my Christmas spirit by dressing as a Creamy Tonikai! Tonikai = reindeer. Creamy = uh,ContinueContinue reading “All I Want For Christmas Is A Magical Body”

Various Acts Of Santa Blasphemy

Santa Man, complete with his own S&M studded mask and oops-I-shouldn’t-have-put-it-in-the-dryer black cape. Red Leopard Santa, GRRRRROWL! Special Golden Santa-san! Wonder if you can get a fake diamond-studded grill to complete the look… Wat, I don’t even…Black Santa Manteau?! More like The Count Of Monte Claus! Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for creativityContinueContinue reading “Various Acts Of Santa Blasphemy”

Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2012!

10. For the film maven on your list who camped overnight in line at the movie theatre to see the new Evangelion…ANIME EYES SLEEP MASKS (seen at Village Vanguard) When the anime-lover in your life hears herself described as a person who even dreams in CGI, now she can smugly respond, “Like a BOSS!” Seen atContinueContinue reading “Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2012!”

Beauty Help For Men

Unibrow isn’t a big problem here in Japan, but what’s an “herbivore man” to do when the furry bits above his eyes aren’t up to the esthé standard of his glowing skin and artfully styled hair? Eyebrow Template for Men to the rescue! Try on Straight, Natural or Cool styles, comb the unrulies up withContinueContinue reading “Beauty Help For Men”

Holiday Lights Just Don’t Get Any Better Than This!

Forget the plastic Santas and bobbing dwarves mistaken for elves – let’s skip right to the computer-choreographed field of lights that pulses and ripples to wintry electronic music! The display at Tokyo Midtown this year is jaw-droppingly spectacular, with shadowy shapes that flicker across the twinkly landscape like clouds passing in fast motion, punctuated byContinueContinue reading “Holiday Lights Just Don’t Get Any Better Than This!”

Emo Santa

“Deck the halls with boughs of hemlock, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu, fu, fu, fu, fu…” Do you find red to be just too unbearably cheery? Think “Jingle Bells” ought to be remixed as “For Whom the Bell Tolls”? Well, finally there’s a Santa costume for those who would prefer to be The Un-Jolly Old Elf! Now Goths, death metalContinueContinue reading “Emo Santa”

Scary Santa

“Ho Ho Ho-rror!” You know how some kids are afraid to go sit on Santa’s lap, even if they really really really want a pony? Well, I bet all the Santa phobias in the known world can be traced back to an early childhood experience with someone like THIS. What was the package designer thinking,ContinueContinue reading “Scary Santa”

Veggie Boys vs. Carnivore Men

“Cool? Cute? Sexy? Macho? Whatever you want to be, boys have to have clean face.” This VegeBoy face wash comes with its own boyish hairband, to keep the carefully groomed tresses dry during use! I guess it was inevitable: the species of Japanese males who have come to be known as “grass-eating men” (sōshoku danshi) nowContinueContinue reading “Veggie Boys vs. Carnivore Men”

The Carb-O-Load Burger

…and just so no addictive starchy food group is left out, it come with fries! Hey, what happens if you slap everybody’s favorite carb-o-rific side dishes together and sandwich them between an additionally carbo-o-loaded bun? Macaroni & cheese + shrimp croquette = McDonald’s Japan’s new Gurakoro Burger! The name comes from smushing together the words “gratin” (hereContinueContinue reading “The Carb-O-Load Burger”

The Leaves Are Nice, But It’s All About The Sticky Rice Balls

Yeah, yeah, I know – leaves glowing in autumnal splendor, fall evening clear and crisp, moon shining bright, pond like a mirror, and the photos are sure to wow the folks back home. But let’s go bottom line: it’s really all about the miso dango. I’ve waited ALL YEAR for the Rikugi-en garden in Komagome toContinueContinue reading “The Leaves Are Nice, But It’s All About The Sticky Rice Balls”

Dieting Made Easy

If you’ve been searching for a miracle diet that’s guaranteed to make you eat less – or not at all! – at every meal, your quest for the holy grail has ended! Introducing the “Curry Plate Of Shape Of Toilet.” Yes, this white porcelain plate is a perfect replica of a Japanese squat-style toilet. PairedContinueContinue reading “Dieting Made Easy”

Cabbage and Ginger Pickle Pizza

What’s round and topped with cabbage, ginger pickles, bean sprouts, mayonnaise, otafuku sauce and dried fish shavings? Okonomiyaki pizza, of course! The beloved Osaka “omelet” is traditionally made with an eggy batter that includes shredded slimy yams, but Shakeys gives it a Western-style twist by piling all the ingredients onto a pizza crust instead. Pass theContinueContinue reading “Cabbage and Ginger Pickle Pizza”

Tools For The Fingernail Challenged

I’ll take one in every color! Congratulating yourself that your spanking new nail art will definitely make it impossible for you to be selected to wash dishes or chop vegetables, you whip out your smartphone to send your ten best friends new shots of your to-die-for talons, the bowl of abura soba you just orderedContinueContinue reading “Tools For The Fingernail Challenged”

Nightmare Or Skin Treatment? You Decide!

Wow, which one do I dread trying the most? It’s so hard to choose! As much as having my face covered in the kind of pond scum I remember eww-ing over in 10th grade Biology, lying there with snail slime perilously close to my nose and mouth might be worse. Both, however, are certainly trumpedContinueContinue reading “Nightmare Or Skin Treatment? You Decide!”

Our Lady Of Dudeitude

Our Lady seems to have been on a rather severe diet since we last encountered her on the back of a stylin’ blade’s jacket, but she’s still doing her best to confer righteous coolness on all comers. The question is, what exactly is a Lucid Dude, and why would anyone want to be publicly identifiedContinueContinue reading “Our Lady Of Dudeitude”

Previously Undiscovered Cow Parts

It’s a cold autumn night and I’ve been outside for hours and suddenly I could eat an entire cow. Oh wow, look at this! YES PLEASE. Cheery little burner is lit, pile of awesome-looking stuff begins to melt down, mingling juices bubble merrily, and finally, finally, finally, servings are ladled out! Oh, no. Lurking underContinueContinue reading “Previously Undiscovered Cow Parts”

Standing Room Only…Restaurants?

Fried meat on a stick, SRO. Taking the single-guy-wolfing-down-a-microwaved-burrito-over-the-sink to new levels, check out these SRO restaurants! Not uncommon, especially near train stations, these places solve a major problem for harried Japanese citizens: how do you grab a bite when you’ve got 30 minutes from office to meeting and 20 of those are going toContinueContinue reading “Standing Room Only…Restaurants?”

Try Not To Think About The Sizzling Fish Brain

Maybe it’s because we’d just finished watching The Matrix, and the post-movie izakaya conversation is all about comparing the worldview of the Wachowski Bros to the Buddhist concept that all reality exists only in our minds, but when I see that someone has ordered these little silver fish, I know a “clear your mind ofContinueContinue reading “Try Not To Think About The Sizzling Fish Brain”

The Fish Bone Restaurant

You know how in America some serious steak restaurants have honkin’ big showcases of  marbled beef displayed near the front door? Well, this is the equivalent come-hither to dine at a joint where himono is the specialty of the house! Himono is basically fish jerky, but it’s different from beef jerky because it features the addedContinueContinue reading “The Fish Bone Restaurant”