February 03

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Out, Troll, Out! Setsubun For The Modern Age

OniFour

While everyone was congratulating themselves on demon possession being at an all time low…damn! The pesky oni sneaked out and rebranded themselves!

But that doesn’t mean we have to just lie back and let ourselves get trolled! Setsubun is the perfect holiday for showing those rickrollers the door. Here’s how:

Chances are, you have a troll living in your very own household. 364 days a year this would not be considered a lucky thing, but on February 3rd, if you have your very own troll, nobody has to pretend to be one in order to be pelted with beans and chased from the neighborhood.

Trolling being a global phenomenon, I think it’s safe to say that the type of beans used for driving out said troll may vary according to locale. In Japan, of course, it’s customary to use roasted soybeans. But in Seattle, for example (a place with an especially high infestation of trolls), coffee beans may be substituted. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that dousing a known troll in one’s Splenda, no-foam, nonfat latte would result in a righteous exorcism, on account of the coffee part having been in bean form until fairly recently.

Of course, if all else fails, you can resort to Demon Drink.

OniSake

This single serving size of saké will at least make being trolled less annoying.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. For those who prefer to employ the traditional sardine head and sushi roll method, consult my previous Setsubun blog entry for step-by-step  instructions!