The Solo Oven: for making those lonely – yet manly – breakfasts Used to be – if you were a Japanese man – you had it made. Food magically appeared on the table every mealtime and you never even had to learn how to push the button on the rice cooker or face the pots & pans that becameContinueContinue reading “Forever Alone Appliances”
Author Archives: Jonelle Patrick
Godzilla In Legoland
Charizilla gives his big green cousin a helping hand at Tokyo Legoland. The Grand Imperial Empire Of Lego obviously isn’t only in Japan, but an especially awesome part of it is! Welcome to Tokyo Legoland, where Godzilla is king, and Pokemons rule! From now on, I’m only going to weigh myself in Legos. Sprawling model TokyoContinueContinue reading “Godzilla In Legoland”
The Octopus Treatment…For Your Face
If you’re a little short on live octopus tentacles the next time you need a beauty treatment, Tokyu Hands will happily sell you this pink plastic Vacu & Lift Roller. I’m not sure what lasting beautification this device is supposed to deliver, but if I ever see someone walking down the streets of Shibuya looking like they just face-wrestled aContinueContinue reading “The Octopus Treatment…For Your Face”
How To Walk Across The Rainbow Bridge
This has to be the most gorgeous walk in Tokyo. If you start at twilight, you can see the entire Tokyo waterfront slowly light up like the best holiday light show ever! Here’s how I do it: I get off the train at Tamachi station and go out the main exit. There’s about a five minute walk, across two canals, untilContinueContinue reading “How To Walk Across The Rainbow Bridge”
I Love Japanese New Year’s Decorations!
In Japan, the frenzy of weird Santas and blue poinsettias are whisked away the day after Christmas, and replaced with something far better…new year’s decorations! I never saw them before I lived in Tokyo, but it was totally love at first sight. This is called a shimenawa, and although it comes in many shapes, it always includesContinueContinue reading “I Love Japanese New Year’s Decorations!”
Get Your Wallet Blessed By Fire & Drums
There’s nothing like a good, old-fashioned fire ceremony to get your year off to a blazing start! Flaming prayer sticks, drums being pounded by ultra-buff young priests, the chance to get your wallet blessed – what’s not to like? The fire ceremony at the Fukugawa Fudo temple in Monzen Nakacho did not disappoint! If your experience with BuddhismContinueContinue reading “Get Your Wallet Blessed By Fire & Drums”
Dang, If Only I Hadn’t Been Distracted By The Satan Horns…
Saw these at Design Festa. Having non-buyer’s regret! …I’d have realized I could have had a smashing set of ram horns to wear all day, to welcome in the Year Of The Sheep! •
Looks Like Santa’s Been Skipping The Gym This Year
Does this suit make me look fat? As you know, I take an avid and unnatural interest in Japanese holiday costumes, and this year is no exception. There were the usual acts of Santa blasphemy – including Sexy Santa, Emo Santa and Thong Santa – but this year there was a decided trend toward puffiness, even in theContinueContinue reading “Looks Like Santa’s Been Skipping The Gym This Year”
Ten Best Stocking Stuffers From Japan!
10. SUSHI SOCKS Because who wouldn’t want their feet to look like two slabs of raw fish? (Seen at Loft in Shibuya) 9. DIY CROSS STITCH PHONE CASE Because: needlepoint phone case! (Seen at Loft in Shibuya) 8. ANIMAL SKELETONS Yes, Real animal skeletons. In pretty decorator colors. (Seen at Tokyu Hands in Shibuya) 7. DEVIL WAXContinueContinue reading “Ten Best Stocking Stuffers From Japan!”
Pikachu Fishcakes!
Collect ’em all! Trade ’em with your friends! Never thought I’d be using the words “squeee!” and “fishcake” in the same sentence, but…! •
Hot Springs Latte Art
It was a rainy autumn morning in the mountains of Gunma, but I didn’t care because I’d just spent a half hour soaking in punishingly hot mineral water at a Japanese inn and was sitting in front of an extra-strong coffee with the hot springs mark drawn in the foam! Here’s how you know you’re in hot spring territory! •
More Christmas Hats From Hell
“What do you mean, you don’t want to sit in shiny alien elf Santa’s lap?” From the Tokyu Hands buyers who brought you the original Christmas Hats From Hell, behold the latest ways to say “Ho ho ho, suckers!” That little goatee of a tree allows the holiday thug to festively mimic O Tanenbaum while keeping his arms freeContinueContinue reading “More Christmas Hats From Hell”
Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2014!
10. What do you give the person who has everything? They’ve already got a one-shot coffee maker. And a one-shot tea machine. But I bet they don’t have a ONE-SHOT MISO SOUP MAKER! Because who doesn’t consume so much miso soup they need it instantly at all times? (Seen at Yodobashi Camera in Akihabara) 9.ContinueContinue reading “Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2014!”
The Mother Of All Illuminations Theme Parks
When I was a kid, every year in mid-December we’d all pile into the car and drive around to find the house with the most over-the-top Xmas decorations. No surprise, I am a total, total sucker for Xmas lights. But I never saw anything that even came close to the amazing, blazing Illuminations displays that Tokyo neighborhoods started puttingContinueContinue reading “The Mother Of All Illuminations Theme Parks”
How To Make A Wickedly Scary Gash On Your Arm In Seven Easy Steps!
Looks totally real, doesn’t it? In fact, it’s the artistry of one of the students at the Amazing School JUR’s special effects table at Design Festa! I opted for the ¥500 standard slasher attack, but you could also sign up for the ¥1000 “X-marks-the-psycho” gashes or a gaping wound that looked like the velociraptors gotContinueContinue reading “How To Make A Wickedly Scary Gash On Your Arm In Seven Easy Steps!”
Where To See The Best Fall Leaves In Tokyo
I hope you’re all rested up from our cherry blossom death march last spring, because it’s time to strap on your camera and a couple of extra batteries to hunt down the best autumn leaves in Tokyo! Here are my picks, from momiji season through ginkgo: Arranged from earliest to latest: SHOWA KINEN PARK There areContinueContinue reading “Where To See The Best Fall Leaves In Tokyo”
Fall Is When The Vending Machines Change Colors In Japan
Blue tags are cold drinks, hot ones are orange Here, you don’t need to go out and commune with nature to know when autumn has arrived – all you have to do is check your corner vending machine to see how many of the cold tea offerings have switched over to hot tea. •
Where To See The Best Chrysanthemums In Tokyo
These eye-popping exhibitions will change your opinion of those humble fall flowers forever! Here’s where to see the best chrysanthemums in Tokyo: • JINDAI BOTANICAL GARDEN It’s worth the trip out to Chofu, just to see the cartload of fox tails But they also have the full complement of pagodas, Elvis pompadours, perfect specimens of manyContinueContinue reading “Where To See The Best Chrysanthemums In Tokyo”
Tokyo Design Festa: Zombie Matryoshika & More
You can do this with FELT?! If you’re in Tokyo, get thee to Design Festa RIGHT NOW! It’s on through Sunday the 9th, out in Odaiba at Big Sight. You definitely don’t want to miss seeing (and buying!): Handpainted zombie matryoshka dolls. Elfin anime-style figures, mind-bogglingly crafted from felt. Eyeball clasp purses, leaking a littleContinueContinue reading “Tokyo Design Festa: Zombie Matryoshika & More”
「Yokohama Smart Illuminations」: Wow. Just…wow.
Last night I went to see what I thought was going to be a modest art-light event on the Yokohama waterfront, secretly expecting that the photos from past years were exaggerating the quality of the illuminations. I was SO WRONG! This event was spectacular. See for yourself! You know you’re in the right place when you chance across aContinueContinue reading “「Yokohama Smart Illuminations」: Wow. Just…wow.”
Halloween Costumes I Would Regret
Just because it’s Halloween doesn’t mean you get a free pass in the career-killing costume department. Photos of you wearing any of these are pretty sure to digitally haunt you for the rest of your life. Because all Men Pirates wear plunging v-neck purple vests. And eyeliner. The Scary Doctor, complete with DIY blood. The Splatter Nurse.ContinueContinue reading “Halloween Costumes I Would Regret”
The Universal Garnish Strikes Again
All my life, I knew my coffee was missing something… Yes, it’s Honey Caffé Latte with…PARSLEY. •
The Statue Of Too Much Liberty
These have got to be the most awesome gacha-gacha vending machine snags of all time! These little plastic figures depict Lady Liberty morphing into “Too-Free Goddess” and assuming unseemly poses! But forget trying to blackmail her with threats to tweet her indiscretions far and wide – there are already stop-action videos up on YouTube… The Cornholio Of Liberty Oh no, please tell me teaContinueContinue reading “The Statue Of Too Much Liberty”
Festival Of 10,000 Lanterns
Every once in a while, Japan so wildly exceeds expectations, it’s hard to put it into words, so I’ll just show you pictures of last night’s Oeshiki Ikegami festival instead. Strong men twirling pikes announcing the names of their temples danced through the streets ahead of their lanterns. Every lantern was different. This one was fantastically decoratedContinueContinue reading “Festival Of 10,000 Lanterns”
Spicy Tomato Filled Doughnuts?
Aieeeee, when I saw this on the menu at Krispy Kreme, I knew I’d have to strap on my Try Anything Once Cojones and take one for the team! My first clue this wasn’t a regular doughnut was that funny little pesto-tomato hat on top. Inside was, basically, a sort of sweet pizza sauce. IContinueContinue reading “Spicy Tomato Filled Doughnuts?”
Yes, Even The Cheese Is Black
I finally tried Burger King Japan’s most recent all-black, all-the-time burger offering, and OMG please don’t look now, but I wolfed it down in record time. It looks pretty weird (especially the BLACK CHEESE) but the taste was I-think-I’d-better-have-another-in-the-interest-of-science good. “Shalyapin Sauce”? Apparently it’s named after a Russian opera singer who had a toothache when he toured Japan, soContinueContinue reading “Yes, Even The Cheese Is Black”
Up To My Knees In A Vermilion Sea
As you may have guessed by now, in Japan no flower is safe from being planted together en masse, in order to deliver total sensory overload at the appointed moment. It’s no surprise that cherry blossoms, wisteria and azaleas all vie to attract record crowds as they burst into bloom, but who knew that lesser-known denizens have their ownContinueContinue reading “Up To My Knees In A Vermilion Sea”
Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn (That We’re Both Female And Japanese!)
Yes, the famed all-female Takarazuka troupe is back on stage, mustachioed and corseted and ready to kick some Civil War butt! After mind-bendingly taking on the roles of handsome male scalawags (Oceans Eleven) and all-American soldiers fighting the Japanese (South Pacific), it’s not so much of a stretch to imagine a dashing Rhette-ette sweeping Scarlett off her feet. ButContinueContinue reading “Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn (That We’re Both Female And Japanese!)”
Art Aquarium
Part laser light show, part aquatic extravaganza, Art Aquarium is the newest take on the old idea of keeping cool during the steamy Japanese summertime by contemplating goldfish bowls. Over 3 million people have visited this summer-long exhibition since it started in 2008, and now I see why: giant artfully-designed aquariums use inset lenses, unusual facetedContinueContinue reading “Art Aquarium”
Chocolate, Strawberry and…Bean Powder?
Okay, buckaroos, it’s time to play Guess That Flavor with these cones of soft-serve goodness I spotted recently in Asakusa! Our first contestants are the lovely blue ice cream on the left, and the tasty-looking coffee-colored one on the right. (Wily contestants will recognize that’s a hint it definitely doesn’t taste like a cup o’ Joe!) Next up, that delightfully vanilla-ish-lookingContinueContinue reading “Chocolate, Strawberry and…Bean Powder?”
Asakusa Lit Up At Night
The grand dame of Tokyo temples, Senso-ji Asakusa is always entertaining by day, but it’s totally stunning at night. From theatrically lit temples to glittering reflections on the Sumida River, this neighborhood never disappoints. The fiercest guardian deity in the land The main gate, shining in the rain The promenade Even the doors are larger thanContinueContinue reading “Asakusa Lit Up At Night”
Inside Tokyo’s Wildest Host Clubs
Turn down the lights, hire a bunch of cute hosts, and keep the drinks coming, and it shouldn’t matter what your club looks like, right? Actually, no. Designing host clubs is a lot like designing casinos and supermarkets – if you want to inspire women to spend money like water, you better make sure you have a bunch of these:ContinueContinue reading “Inside Tokyo’s Wildest Host Clubs”
Hardcore Workout Equipment…For Your Face
How many reps to conquer those crow’s feet? Getting yourself a righteously small face has always been prized in Japan, but having a face that just oozes buffness is apparently the new Holy Grail Of Pulchritude. Behold the dizzying array of exercise devices for your head, all designed to shape and tone your visage into a model of curvaceous (and unwrinkled)ContinueContinue reading “Hardcore Workout Equipment…For Your Face”
Gorgeous Japanese Hydrangeas
Remember those big white snowball-y bushes that bloomed next to Grandma’s porch all summer long? Believe it or not, those everyday flowers were where they started hybridizing to get these fancypants. Some temples in Japan have whole hillsides covered with so many varieties of hydrangea, you can’t count them. Here are a few: •
Meet The John & Jane Doe Of Japan
So, you know how Everycountry has an Everyman and Everywoman? Well, in Japan, its… Your humble servant, John Doe… …and your average goodwife, Jane. •
Fishing For Women
Of all the rakugo performances I’ve seen, Fishing For Women is my fave. It’s got great characters, including a guy who’s more of a nightmare than the worst Tinder story you’ve ever heard! THE CHARACTERS The kind old fisherman who hooks a skull and prays for the repose of the unfortunate soul. The attractiveness-challenged young guy next door, whose spying throughContinueContinue reading “Fishing For Women”
When I Said I Wanted Cheese Pizza, I Didn’t Mean THAT Kind Of Cheese!
I thought I’d seen the pinnacle of Unclear On The Concept when wedges of Camembert started showing up on Japanese pizza, but that was before I spotted this one topped with, yes, blue cheese. Mmm, mmm, little veins of smelly melted moldy bits, paired with tomatoes and that perennial Italian favorite, broccoli. •
The Wart Shrine
Warts. Just hearing their name makes you want to get rid of them faster than pronto. And what easier way, than to visit the Wart-Be-Gone Jizo at Nishiarai Daishi temple? Just toss a coin in the box and take a pinch of the sacred pile-o-salt to rub on the offending carbuncle, and this benevolent bodhisattva will cure whatContinueContinue reading “The Wart Shrine”
I Hope You Wanted Marlboros
This vending machine offers you a choice between Marlboros and…Marlboros. It could be a glimpse of some horrible apocalyptic future in which the only beer left on Earth is Miller Light and the only mayo is Miracle Whip, or it could be the latest example of a popular Japanese advertising trend: make the product stand out on the shelf by…buying up all the shelves. This is the first time I’ve seenContinueContinue reading “I Hope You Wanted Marlboros”
Moustaches I Would Regret
Or should I say scumstaches? What these wispy ghosts of fake beards/moustaches lack in identity concealment, they more than make up for in believability. Japanese men are not generally candidates for Unibrow Intervention or Bushiest Beard contest winning, so even a goatee-ette of this magnitude might take weeks of careful cultivating. Much faster to get your manhood on withContinueContinue reading “Moustaches I Would Regret”
Love, Peace, Death &…
Nicotine! Neither skulls nor snakes nor screaming eagles will deter the proud owner of this Black Flame jacket from consuming his daily pack of smokes. •
I’ll See Your Triple Burger And Raise You A Shrimp Puck
What is Lotteria thinking? Seriously, how could you even bite that thing? I’m not talking about the triple-decker beef-o-rama – I’m eyeing that fried shrimp tower-o-power with the shovelful of tartar sauce just waiting to squish out the other side and all over your shoes (and your socks and your pants and, basically, the shoes of anyone standing within aContinueContinue reading “I’ll See Your Triple Burger And Raise You A Shrimp Puck”
Peonies As Big As Dinner Plates!
If you could smell these right now, you’d be in heaven. Nishiarai Daishi Temple, Tokyo Not to be outdone by the cherry blossoms, azaleas and wisteria, the peonies of Tokyo come into their glory in May and June! First the big boys, like these at the Hama-Rikyu Garden, then the lovely fragrant ones at NishiaraiContinueContinue reading “Peonies As Big As Dinner Plates!”
Furry Elephants. With Claws.
Do you think the artist who carved these beasties had ever actually seen one? I guess it doesn’t matter, as long as the guy who paid the bill hadn’t either. These elephants are carved on one of the main buildings at the Tōshōgū Shrine in Nikko, built by the first shogun, Ieyasu Tokugawa. •
Veggie Ice Cream?!
From the land of snacks with tentacles and fish bone crackers comes the latest healthy food disguised as a snack: carrot and tomato ice cream! Haagen-Dazs Japan hit the subways with a “secret” poster campaign this month, introducing the latest way for even the most dedicated junk food addict to get some stealth vegetables. The carrot one is mixed withContinueContinue reading “Veggie Ice Cream?!”
Blue Caffe Latte
Coffee + Milk + BLUE CURACAO? With a LIME on top? I’m still gathering the courage to try the latest entry in this season’s unlikely flavor-combo coffee drinks of Tokyo – partly because I’m frightened of any food that’s BLUE, but also am deeply suspicious of anything I have to google to find out what flavor it is.ContinueContinue reading “Blue Caffe Latte”
Yes, This Is One Wisteria Plant!
In case you need proof that “the harder a garden is to get to, the more spectacular it is,” look no further than Ashikaga Flower Park. Two solid hours from Tokyo by car (or two and a half hours hopping on and off four different trains), I didn’t believe any flowers could be worth the trip. But as youContinueContinue reading “Yes, This Is One Wisteria Plant!”
Cinnamon Roll Blasphemy
In the next round of trade talks with Japan, go ahead and give away the store when it comes to cars, beef and rice, but we need to make one thing perfectly clear: Things That Look Like Cinnamon Rolls Should Not Be Filled With Red Beans And Topped With Green Tea Frosting. •
Fish Flag Day!
Gigantic fish flags take to the sky at Nishiarai Daishi temple On a fine spring day, how can you not be cheered by spotting koi nobori swimming through the sky? It’s Children’s Day again, here in Japan, and fathers & sons everywhere are celebrating by having iris fights in the bath. Carp flags school over the shopping street inContinueContinue reading “Fish Flag Day!”
Flower Dream Expo
You know how everybody thinks Japanese people sit around in their kimonos all day, arranging flowers into works of art? Well, they don’t. But when they do…it’s amazing. I admit – this one is my favorite. If you’re in Tokyo in April and you’d like to go to Flower Dream, check their website for more info. •
Only In Japan 