You know how when it’s really hot at night, your pillow gets all roasty and makes your head feel even hotter? Well, the day I saw these old-fashioned pillows at a little store near the Nezu Shrine, it was already hitting a toasty 26 degrees C, and I suddenly appreciated the genius of this traditionalContinueContinue reading “Air Conditioned Pillow”
Author Archives: Jonelle Patrick
Costumes I Would Regret
I must be doing something right, since I don’t have any Japanese friends who throw parties attended by anyone wearing THIS. Although not quite as permanent as a tattoo, pictures of oneself wearing this attractive item would certainly circulate endlessly on the interwebs, thwarting one’s job advancement for millennia to come. •
Weapons For The Lunchbox Arms Race
Aieeee! Is the mom who made this Anpan Man lunch a graduate of the Harvard School Of Lunchmaking? No, but she knows that in the bentō box cuteness wars, you have to stay on top of the latest technology! Today at the Shibuya Loft store I discovered a few of the secret weapons Japanese moms use to turnContinueContinue reading “Weapons For The Lunchbox Arms Race”
Blood Type Wine
If I’d seen this anywhere but Japan, I’d think I’d stumbled into Transylvania, but here, nearly everybody posts their blood type on their Facebook profiles alongside their closest train station, and when asked “What’s your type?” by someone they just met at a drinking party, they know the answer isn’t, “Tall, dark and handsome.” The questionContinueContinue reading “Blood Type Wine”
Snacks With Eyes
Forget the pretzels and potato chips next time you slouch onto your sofa to watch the big game – why not pound down a snack that stares right back at you? This bag of Almond Fishes promises all the crunchy goodness of sight-challenged munchies, plus a righteous dose of calcium. And it’s all-natural! The calciumContinueContinue reading “Snacks With Eyes”
Stairway to Svelteness Heaven
Forget that zumba class – I’m going shopping instead! Every step on the way to the floor where they sell the Infrared Pants Of Titanium at Tokyu Hands now informs me just how many calories I burned by virtuously bypassing the elevator. You won’t need this space age product anymore once you hike up toContinueContinue reading “Stairway to Svelteness Heaven”
So How Come Azaleas Are Chopped Liver?
Cherry blossoms are definitely the favorite child. Back in March, as The Season approached, the newspapers all breathlessly reported the movement of the pink tide from south to north, weather forecasts were read as anxiously as tea leaves in order to plan trips to cherry infested locations at the exact moment of full bloom, andContinueContinue reading “So How Come Azaleas Are Chopped Liver?”
Get Out Of Work Free Card
This unassuming little piece of paper is pure gold. If your morning commute train is delayed for any reason at all – a carton of instant ramen noodles smashed on the tracks, torrential rain, an umbrella hopelessly fankling up one of the doors – rail company officials stand inside the ticket gates and hand theseContinueContinue reading “Get Out Of Work Free Card”
Colonel Samurai
Valiantly planting his Extra-Crispy banner among the fierce townsfolk of Fuchu, Colonel Samurai conquers new territory for his finger-lickin’ fiefdom! Special thanks to my intrepid classmate Kiratipong Ongkasae for snagging this excellent shot at the Kuriyami Matsuri! •
Magic Umbrella
Yesterday when my phone’s weather app completely failed to warn me that as soon as I stepped off the train I would be assailed with buckets of rain and Dorothy-Goes-To-Oz wind, I could have used this fine product. It’s plain pink until it gets wet, then the cherry blossom pattern appears! (Brilliant display outside thisContinueContinue reading “Magic Umbrella”
New Weapon In The Battle Against Napping
Napping: destroyer of productivity, enemy of extreme road trips, scourge of procrastinators who left that six-month project until the night before! Fortunately, those tempted to catch a few winks when they ought to be contributing to global productivity now have the Nap Vieeb, a revolutionary product that will keep them alert long enough to dieContinueContinue reading “New Weapon In The Battle Against Napping”
The Idol and Monster Shop
Suddenly, you discover you have just too many monsters in your room! That collection you started when you were six has colonized every shelf and surface, leaving you nowhere to put the empty instant ramen cups that stack up during online gaming marathons. But what can you do? Chucking them in the recycle bin isContinueContinue reading “The Idol and Monster Shop”
Fish Egg Mayo Pizza Chips
Can’t decide whether to go for pizza or sushi? Now you don’t have to, thanks to this revolutionary new potato chip flavor from Calbee. It’s bursting with the goodness of cod roe, mayonnaise, seaweed, cheddar and swiss cheese! But there’s more! On the back, there’s a special offer! I was extremely disappointed to discover IContinueContinue reading “Fish Egg Mayo Pizza Chips”
If You’re Going To Nuke Your Donut, Do It In Style
Recently there’s been a craze for hot donuts here in Tokyo, but people can only cram so many into their pieholes while sitting in the store. What about the dozen they’re taking home to fatten up their friends and family? Enter the dedicated donut zapping case! In the land where perfection is prized, Krispy KremeContinueContinue reading “If You’re Going To Nuke Your Donut, Do It In Style”
Maybe It’s The Teeth…
I dunno, there’s something about this accessory that’s not quite working for me. If I were a host (or a regular guy with a fetish for massive blingy rings), I think I’d want something that didn’t look like it bites. Or, even worse, like it had overindulged at last night’s drinking party and was aboutContinueContinue reading “Maybe It’s The Teeth…”
Men: Kiss That Body Fur Goodbye
Our hapless hero starts his day by shaving his manly beard. “Ah, another day of work. Today I’m really going to kick some butt!” He gets to the office and looks around. Suddenly, he realizes One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others. “Why am I the only guy in this office who hasContinueContinue reading “Men: Kiss That Body Fur Goodbye”
Anime Lunchboxing
“Kiki’s Delivery Service” never dropped a lunchbox like this on my kindergarten picnic table! Yikes! No Face stares hungrily up at the unsuspecting child who just opened his lunchbox… There’s even a makkuro kurosuke seaweed-covered rice ball (staring up with little nori eyes off to the right), from “Totoro!” Ordinary Japanese moms were undoubtedly up before dawnContinueContinue reading “Anime Lunchboxing”
What’s Swirly and Orange and Not the Flavor You Think It Is?
Okay, I’m not going to guess orange sherbet, then. Something more exotic…Mango! Nope. Pumpkin! Nope. I’ll give you a hint: when I was in grade school, something this flavor was usually eaten with grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh no, it’s that weird togarashi pepper flavor from Ice Cream City, isn’t it? Nyoop. (Ahahaha, you think IContinueContinue reading “What’s Swirly and Orange and Not the Flavor You Think It Is?”
Nail Art Opposite Day
How’s this for an idea: deco on everything BUT your nails! Saw this sign advertising a salon in Ebisu. •
First, Poke A Hole With A Toothpick…
For some mysterious reason, milk cartons and styrofoam food trays are the equivalent of a wandering barge heaped with radioactive byproducts when it comes to curbside collection, and must be carted back to the supermarket for recycling. But don’t think you can just toss them in the bin! Oh no. Milk cartons must be tornContinueContinue reading “First, Poke A Hole With A Toothpick…”
Have You Got What It Takes To Be A Host?
Sleep ’til noon, start work at 5:00, get paid to look like a visual kei star and drink champagne with an endless parade of women. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it. And apparently, that someone could be YOU. According to this ad, those who pass the Host Challenge will be wearing expensiveContinueContinue reading “Have You Got What It Takes To Be A Host?”
Extreme Lunchboxing
If Japan wanted a sure sweep of every medal in an event, they ought to promote the making of school lunches as an Olympic sport. Not only do Japanese moms slave away making not one, not two, but three or four different dishes to include every day, elementary school lunches are essential equipment in the middayContinueContinue reading “Extreme Lunchboxing”
Hot Dog Pizza
And you thought pizza couldn’t be improved as the perfect junk food! In honor of spring, Pizza-LA comes through with the Buttered Potato & Sausage Pizza In addition to that ring of delightful little hot dogs, it’s got corn, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, and bacon, all topped off with that oh-so-Italian favorite, lemon butter sauce. AlsoContinueContinue reading “Hot Dog Pizza”
How To Survive A Cherry Blossom Party
It looks easy, right? Meet friends at park, spread out tarp, drink beer, admire cherry blossoms. But o-hanami parties are fraught with hidden dangers. Allow me to save you from certain disaster. 1: Bring appropriate reading material Be sure you tote along something to read while standing in line for the bathroom. Recommended titles areContinueContinue reading “How To Survive A Cherry Blossom Party”
Cherry Blossom Beer
Nothing goes together better than a park filled with clouds of pink cherry blossoms and beer! Prodigious amounts of the hoppy beverage are sold here at the end of March and beginning of April, and because Japanese beer is sold fresh – without preservatives, and usually within two weeks of being brewed – the brewersContinueContinue reading “Cherry Blossom Beer”
Our Lady Of Rude Kustoms
I love articles of clothing that are the Japanese equivalent of Western kanji tattoos that supposedly mean “Strong Warrior” but actually say “Wednesday.” Here, a slightly mannish Our Lady has been pressed into service to perform the miracle of deciphering, “First to live young to die no risk no life,” as well as relocating theContinueContinue reading “Our Lady Of Rude Kustoms”
Acid Washed…Kimono?
I saw this display at Matsuya Ginza and found myself wondering just what sort of occasion calls for the kimono equivalent of faded True Religions? Ultimate frisbee with the empress? Kabuki live at the Budokan? Haiku slam? If you’d like to visit the Ginza area the next time you’re in Tokyo, visit my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had.ContinueContinue reading “Acid Washed…Kimono?”
Manga Schoolgirl Dogs
A contender for the Iditarod cheering squad with her best friend, whose white sailor uniform must have gone through the wash with granny’s red underwear I didn’t think the Husky Club could outdo last month’s Husky kimono parade, but yesterday in honor of Japanese graduation season, they all turned up at the park dressed as mangaContinueContinue reading “Manga Schoolgirl Dogs”
Chair Socks
Today while I was waiting for my watch to be repaired at Seibu Loft, I spent some time browsing the ever-entertaining household product section. I saw these, and my first thought was, WTF, *chair socks*? Little argyle chair socks? Apparently you put them on the bottoms of your chair legs so they slide easily onContinueContinue reading “Chair Socks”
Cherry Blossom Burger
What better way to celebrate the imminent opening of the cherry blossoms than with a shrimp and cabbage burger on a pink bun? •
Rockabilly Spring
When I went to Yoyogi Park on Sunday, it was still too cold to unzip my jacket, the cherry blossom buds were still tight as fists, and even the dogs were still wearing little hoodie sweatshirts, but I knew that spring had officially come because the rockabilly guys had changed their uniforms. Black leather jackets:ContinueContinue reading “Rockabilly Spring”
Superhero Hats For Bank Robbers
The next time I want to rob a bank (or stay out a little past the advisable bedtime and wake up with dark circles no coverup can hide and hair that refuses to look anything but hideous), I’m going to be ready with my combination Spiderman-mask-and-fishing hat. •
The Edward Scissorhands School of Nail Art
You know you want these! You’ll merely have to hold up one hand to get out of dishwashing and other odious chores. In a boggling bow to sheer impracticality, the contestants in a recent Japanese nail/hair/makeup contest really took fingernails to a new level. Not only are they of ancient Chinese mandarin-like proportions, they must weighContinueContinue reading “The Edward Scissorhands School of Nail Art”
Can I Please Have The Red-Hot Pincers Instead?
I have no idea what these dried insect skins are supposed to cure, but whatever it is, I hope I never get it! I saw these in the window of a traditional pharmacy, along with equally unsavory dried worms, fungus and what I hope were roots, but could easily have been something with a farContinueContinue reading “Can I Please Have The Red-Hot Pincers Instead?”
No Monks Allowed
I was somewhat surprised to see this sign prohibiting itinerant monks from asking for alms near Koganji temple, but apparently fraud is on the rise. Individuals posing as traditional Buddhist traveling monks have been taking up stations nearby the famous healing temple, holding out their begging bowls and dispensing faux blessings with abandon. The templeContinueContinue reading “No Monks Allowed”
“Bring Out Yer Dead!”
Like the carts that went around plague-stricken Europe in the dark ages, this truck was parked in front of Takadanobaba station today, carting away all the blown-out, abandoned umbrellas left behind after last week’s rainstorm. Why so many? you may ask. Notice that almost all of them are the telltale clear ¥500 variety bought byContinueContinue reading ““Bring Out Yer Dead!””
Crows Are Geniuses
At first I thought this was a somewhat feeble effort at public poetry by the Minato City municipal government, but it turns out there really is a crow menace in Arisugawa Park. I used to think the mayor of Tokyo was kind of crazy because of his public hatred of foreigners, post-menopausal women and crows,ContinueContinue reading “Crows Are Geniuses”
Nose Mint
Q: What do foreign countries smell like? A: They all smell like…MINT! You never know what unpleasant odors you’ll encounter when traveling abroad, so it’s best to be prepared with this handy travel aid from Tokyu Hands. Stick a little Nose Mint in your nostrils and you won’t have to spend precious vacation time worryingContinueContinue reading “Nose Mint”
How To Ship A Live Fish
Today at FoodEx Japan – the once-a-year trade show where everyone from honey pepper vodka producers to octopus distributors show their latest and greatest – I discovered how they ship live fish! The dude in the picture above was just looking around, like, “What’s that strange animal floating around up there? I’ve never seen anything likeContinueContinue reading “How To Ship A Live Fish”
Dogs In Kimonos
Love that this pair even have the white fur wraps girls always wear with their kimonos in wintertime! You can’t help but throw your head back and laugh in amazement when fifteen dogs parade by, dressed in Japanese formalwear. In honor of Hina Matsuri (the doll festival that happens every year at the beginning of March)ContinueContinue reading “Dogs In Kimonos”
Buddha’s Footprints
Six hundred years before anyone started carving those serene images of the Buddha we all know so well, followers worshipped his footprints. This pair is at the Kuhonbutsu temple. For some reason, I just love the idea that the object of worship doesn’t represent the Buddha himself or the ultimate destination. It honors his wayContinueContinue reading “Buddha’s Footprints”
Makeup for Men: Hell Yeah!
Ad for a line of foundation for men that lasts 24 hours before needing a touch-up. Okay, before you step into that steaming pile of sexist doo-doo, why not? Why shouldn’t men be able to cover up that unfortunate red thing between their eyes, or disguise the reminders of their teenage acne battle, just likeContinueContinue reading “Makeup for Men: Hell Yeah!”
Today’s Cute Little Season: Winter
One thing I have to say about the seasons in Japan is that they’re relentlessly picturesque. And convenient! When I woke up Wednesday morning, I looked out the window and was delighted to see it had been snowing since 3:00 a.m. – even my ho-hum neighborhood had a charming blanket of white. There was enoughContinueContinue reading “Today’s Cute Little Season: Winter”
Genghis Kahn Says Bite Me
For some mysterious reason, this Japanese version of Mongolian cuisine is known by the name of history’s fiercest warrior and pronounced “jingisu kon,” but in no way does that diminish the utter yum of sizzling meats & veggies dipped in a sauce that’s so good you’d die happy drowning in it. When you sit downContinueContinue reading “Genghis Kahn Says Bite Me”
Just When You Think It’s Safe To Ditch The Muffler…
Yep, if the plum trees are blooming, that means a giant dump of snow is just around the corner. This particular dashing of spring hopes comes with such clocklike regularity in Japan that haiku masters use “plum blossom” when they’re actually talking about surviving life’s more bitter lessons. •
Live Music for Eight
Last Saturday night, sitting with the band at the Apollo. Remember how I was talking about shoebox-sized businesses here in Tokyo? Well, around the corner from Eat A Peach in Shimokitazawa is the Apollo Jazz Bar. As you walk by on the narrow street outside, the sound of pro musicians jamming wafts up the steps fromContinueContinue reading “Live Music for Eight”
Time For Your Sand Bath
Forget the bubbles and the aromatherapy oil – there’s nothing like a nice hot sand bath to put you back in fighting form! Like the sign says, “It feels really great when the heat penetrates to every corner of your body and you sweat a lot.” Southern Kyushu is famous for sunaburo, where hot springs seep upContinueContinue reading “Time For Your Sand Bath”
Half Nakedness Prohibited
Floating above Shibuya, with the Yamanote Line trains rocketing by, is Miyashita Park, its carvalicious bowls, ledges, rails, ramps and quarter pipes a skater’s dream. Except for…The Rules. Drinking for enjoyment rather than rehydration: prohibited! Light up a smoke? Tanuki raccoon-dogs will carry you off to be executed by the death of a thousand cuts! Wax a ledge? NotContinueContinue reading “Half Nakedness Prohibited”
Big Red Underwear
This store is called Red Underpants, and as you can see, we’re not talking lacy thongs, here. It’s in Sugamo, a neighborhood that caters to the post-retirement crowd. Wearing red after you turn 60 is considered auspicious here in Japan, and thanks to this shop, no matter what size or shape you are, if you’reContinueContinue reading “Big Red Underwear”
It’s Plum-Flavored Potato Chip Season!
Pickled plum flavored potato chips If it’s February, it must be time for the shelves to be bursting with umeboshi-flavored goods, but think twice before you pop one in your mouth, expecting something sweet! Umeboshi are not for the weak. The über-sour, extra-salty pickled plums star in children’s lunches early and often as the redContinueContinue reading “It’s Plum-Flavored Potato Chip Season!”
Only In Japan 