Author Archives: Jonelle Patrick

Yomiuriland Illuminations

By the time I took four trains and a bus to the gates of the aging amusement park Yomiuri Land, I had already decided that no illuminations could possibly be worth the schlep. Good thing I was SO WRONG! As you can see, no surface in the entire park was spared, and Scrooge was definitely not consulted.ContinueContinue reading “Yomiuriland Illuminations”

How About A Nice Cup Of Civet Poop Coffee?

Yes, I know this rare and elusive cat-snake lives in Bali, but because Japan is the world magnet for weird food experiences, the only place I’ve ever discovered a shop where I could order a cup of civet poop coffee is in Tokyo. The kopi luwat civet poops coffee. Or, to be more precise, it climbsContinueContinue reading “How About A Nice Cup Of Civet Poop Coffee?”

Midnight Fox Parade

Middle school boys in foxface and golden skirt-pants carrying gigantic fox heads through the streets of Tokyo? Can you think of a better way to ring in the new year? Every December 31st at midnight, the good citizens of Oji gather at the local inari shrine to show the furry-tailed messengers of the gods a good time.ContinueContinue reading “Midnight Fox Parade”

The Best Tokyo Winter Illuminations 2015

Are you ready once again to have holiday lights spoiled for-e-ver by the insanely great Tokyo Illuminations? This year, the old favorites do not disappoint, but there are a couple of new contenders amid the light-up extravaganzas going on right now in Tokyo! Feast your eyes on… • TOKYO DOME CITY This dome puts on an everchanging light showContinueContinue reading “The Best Tokyo Winter Illuminations 2015”

2015 Top Ten Crazy Gifts From Japan!

It’s time for Only In Japan’s yearly holiday gift round-up, and it looks like 2015 is holding its own! I can pretty much guarantee you’ll be the only one to bestow one of these awesome gifts from Japan on your nearest and dearest… 10. Warm in winter, cool in summer, give this CREEPY CONSTRUCTION WORKER HEAD TOWEL, so they can enjoy displaying their brains asContinueContinue reading “2015 Top Ten Crazy Gifts From Japan!”

What’s Purple And Squishy And Tastes Like Thanksgiving?

This time of year, if it’s sweet and purple, it tastes like…WAT? Yes, sweet potato candy (and muffins and ice cream) is a THING, and anything that’s purple in Japan right now tastes kind of like Thanksgiving without the marshmallows. Let’s sidestep the impossible task of pondering why anyone would make desserts that taste like sweet potatoesContinueContinue reading “What’s Purple And Squishy And Tastes Like Thanksgiving?”

Battle Dress Kimonos

Okay, you’ve gotta help me out here: what sort of manly occasion could possibly call for donning a kimono fashioned from American mil-spec camo? Defcon 3 tea ceremony behind enemy lines? Tactical assault on the afternoon kabuki performance? Undercover date to the summer fireworks, knowing your recently-jilted ex will be there and gunning for you? Whatever occasion calls for strategicContinueContinue reading “Battle Dress Kimonos”

The Deli For Dogs

How can Fifi decide between the tofu rolls and the pumpkin balls? I was cutting through my favorite crazy pet store in Odaiba, when I spotted what I thought was a deli counter where pet owners who had become famished while stocking up on camouflage dog strollers and duck muzzles could grab a bite, but when I looked closer, all the artfully styled foodContinueContinue reading “The Deli For Dogs”

Vending Machines Of The Dead

In case you need reminding what will happen if you eat one of these TASTY POISONOUS MUSHROOM PEOPLE. Bring on the zombies, but DO NOT put one of THESE in my bed. On the other hand, you can never have too many undead bananas. And finally…you’re welcome. •

Level Up, Halloweenies!

Because in Japan, dressing up is no joke! Real cosplayers scoff at Halloween as Amateur Night, but for most people, the Big H is a chance to flaunt their secret zombie in public, and even ordinary citizens put serious effort into Doing It Right. Here’s what the rather elaborate makeup “suggestions” look like up close! Here, if you want to beContinueContinue reading “Level Up, Halloweenies!”

Eat ALL The Bugs

Hey, look! A stand selling local honey! Do you think it’s made from the shibazakura flowers this park is famous for? Let’s get some to bring back to Tokyo as a souvenir! Hmm, should we get a big jar or a… Wait. What’s that in the…? No. NO. Please tell me it’s not… …the biggest-assContinueContinue reading “Eat ALL The Bugs”

Because Who WOULDN’T Want A Cocktail Served In A Smoke-Filled Skull?

And that’s just the tip o’ the liquid nitrogen, flash-frozen iceberg at the Codename:Mixology bar! Because although no snozzberries were detected on the menu, this place definitely delivers the Willy Wonka of cocktails. Blue Cheese Vodka Martini? Check. Libation that tastes exactly like Thai Tom Yum soup, only better? Already standing in line for seconds. Industrial centrifuge + fresh tomatoes + basil-infused ginContinueContinue reading “Because Who WOULDN’T Want A Cocktail Served In A Smoke-Filled Skull?”

My Worst Foreigner Moment

Okay, in the interest of not being That Hellishly Smug Foreigner, it’s only fair that I confess my most cringeworthy moment in Japan. Not that there haven’t been plenty of other times I’ve been secretly branded a henna gaijin by phalanxes of nice Japanese people averting their eyes and backing away slowly, but this one is a classic because it involves, yes, Mt.ContinueContinue reading “My Worst Foreigner Moment”

Jolly Despot Costumes I Would Regret

Is it my imagination, or is this costume designed to resemble everyone’s favorite dictator-for-life? Recently I discovered this primo autocrat disguise, so you can give fellow revelers a choice: laugh at your jokes…or quake in fear as missiles are pointed in your general direction. Saw these at Don Kihote store in Shibuya. •

Haunted Prison Restaurant? Yes, Please!

Abandon sanity, all ye who enter here! Do you even have to ask? Of course Tokyo has a restaurant where you get locked into a cell and made to drink cocktails with eyeballs in them! The creepiness grabs hold of you the second you figure out how to get through the hidden door and head downContinueContinue reading “Haunted Prison Restaurant? Yes, Please!”

Give Yourself A Tooth Manicure

Want to perk up those pearly whites a bit, but don’t want to choose between paying for cosmetic dentistry and getting a new car? This Japanese tooth makeup is for you! For less than twenty bucks, Tooth Makeup is basically nail polish for your choppers! Yes, just choose the shade you’d like your new smile to be, paint it on, and you’reContinueContinue reading “Give Yourself A Tooth Manicure”

Subway Safety For Rockabillies

Tokyo Metro’s subway safety posters always crack me up, because they all seem to be earnestly designed by Captain Obvious, but this one actually made me laugh with it, not at it. I mean DUH you’d have to be an idiot to know you shouldn’t prance along the scary side of the yellow line while drunk or shove unsuspecting fellow commuters into theContinueContinue reading “Subway Safety For Rockabillies”

I Saw A New Wild Animal In Tokyo!

Walking home late one night, a flicker of unexpected movement caught my eye. When I looked up, there was something scampering along the phone lines above my head! A cat? A rat? No it was BIG. Sorry these photos are so crap – the only camera I had with me was my phone! At first, I thought it might be aContinueContinue reading “I Saw A New Wild Animal In Tokyo!”

Help, There’s A Hamster In My Drink!

Lately in Japan there’s been an explosion of vending machines selling little characters that perch on the side of your glass, so you never have to drink alone. But none of them has been nearly as cute as HAMSTERS. Well, okay, at first glance, spotting seven of them scrambling to get at your drink before youContinueContinue reading “Help, There’s A Hamster In My Drink!”

Princess Kimono, Animal Style

The bunnies will be all over you at the rabbit café when you swan in wearing this bun-centric obi. Obscure seasonal references to geese and crows? So tenth century! Leaf viewing and strolling beneath the cherry blossoms? Been there, called it a cab. Let’s strap on our princess kimonos and hit the animal cafés instead! Coming or going, let’s show thoseContinueContinue reading “Princess Kimono, Animal Style”

Make Your Own Plastic Food…At Home!

Okay, as the self-diagnosed Queen of Fail when it comes to Japanese crafts (remember the “rabbit” from the animal lollipops workshop?), I was pretty sure that any fake food I made without the experts at the Make Your Own Plastic Food Workshop would look more like something from the compost bin than a reputable kitchen. But so many people told me they were dyingContinueContinue reading “Make Your Own Plastic Food…At Home!”

The Angry Cat Ghost Vending Machine

Walking through Shinjuku station today, I discovered I had a burning need for angry cat ghosts. Fortunately, there was a bank of gacha-gacha vending machines smack in the middle of the concourse, ready to cater to all my feline spiritual needs. OK, so maybe I went a little overboard trying to collect them all DON’TContinueContinue reading “The Angry Cat Ghost Vending Machine”

Taste Test: The Skinny On No-Alcohol Japanese Beers

You can tell it’s summertime in Japan, because your clothes stick to you the instant you walk outdoors and the entire populace flees to the rooftop beer gardens of Tokyo as soon as the sun dips below the yardarm. But if your liver is crying out for mercy after last night’s company drink-a-thon, and you’re queasily contemplating how to avoid pickling it any further,ContinueContinue reading “Taste Test: The Skinny On No-Alcohol Japanese Beers”

Let’s Go To Bunny Island!

What part of ALL THE SNACKS don’t you understand? If your squee-meter isn’t totally burnt out after Fox Village, it certainly will be, after we check out BUNNY ISLAND! Okunoshima isn’t easy to get to, but that’s why there’s an entire chunk of land off the coast of Japan where adorable bunnies run free, without fear of being eaten (or, obviously, havingContinueContinue reading “Let’s Go To Bunny Island!”

New-Type Saints

On my way to check out the rooster shrine, I chanced upon these sight-challenged Jizos and a celebrity Kannon, chilling in a parking lot. Finally, a Jizo-sama to protect kids who can’t see a baseball coming. Lady Kannon, here to lead you safely through the valley of uncoolness without any of it rubbing off on you. TheContinueContinue reading “New-Type Saints”

Great Balls O’ Flowery Fluff: Tokyo’s Best Hydrangea Gardens

If someone says “hydrangeas” and you think “boring white puffballs,” you haven’t seen the outrageous ones in Tokyo yet! Here are my favorite hydrangea garden extravaganzas, and they’ll be blooming ’til the end of June, just sayin’… MINAMIYAMA HYDRANGEA MOUNTAIN in Musashi-itsukaichi As you can see, these are wild hydrangeas at their finest! The trail winds up a gully lined withContinueContinue reading “Great Balls O’ Flowery Fluff: Tokyo’s Best Hydrangea Gardens”

How To Make The Most Beautiful Lollipops In The World

One of the most beautiful lollipops in the world. OK, I admit, I did not make this lollipop. I went to the workshop taught by the artist who made it, but the thing I ended up making did not remotely, remotely, REMOTELY resemble this lollipop. First of all – to be fair – we weren’t supposed to be making goldfishContinueContinue reading “How To Make The Most Beautiful Lollipops In The World”

How To Go To Zao Fox Village

Jaded denizen of the interwebz that I am, there’s not much that makes me leap out of my chair and scream “WANT!” but when I first saw a picture taken at Zao Fox Village, I had to drop everything and figure out a way to get there. Hello, human! It’s far from Tokyo – five hours byContinueContinue reading “How To Go To Zao Fox Village”

Where To See The Best Iris Gardens In Tokyo

Fields of riotously blooming Japanese iris? Yes, please! The iris gardens in central Tokyo are small, but choice; the ones in the outskirts are vast and exuberant and well worth a pilgrimage! Here are the best places in and around Tokyo to see the Japanese iris extravaganzas of your dreams: HORIKIRI IRIS GARDEN in Horikiri-shobuen TheContinueContinue reading “Where To See The Best Iris Gardens In Tokyo”

Partying With The Gods

When winter finally lets go of Tokyo and the days start to get long and warm, it’s time to take the local deities out and show them a good time! But the kami-sama can’t just wedge onto the train like the rest of us – they have to be taken around in style while being reminded of theContinueContinue reading “Partying With The Gods”

Least Cuddly Toy Of All Time

Once you’ve exhausted all the cute animals, blown through the vegetable kingdom, and even exploited raw fish as toy characters, what’s left? Why, bones, of course! Introducing the toys that put some backbone into the category of “action figures.” Enjoy some ribs with your new best friend this weekend! Watch out for that knuckleball… Being dead is no excuse.ContinueContinue reading “Least Cuddly Toy Of All Time”

The Fox Shrine To End All Fox Shrines

I knew I was going to love the Sasuke Inari Shrine from the moment I saw the long tunnel of red lacquer torii gates leading into the deep, dark woods. But nothing prepared me for the mossy, foxy, wonders that lay beyond! Once you walk through the gates, no matter what time of day itContinueContinue reading “The Fox Shrine To End All Fox Shrines”

Tokyo Design Festa 2015: Seriously, You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

For all your Cat Butt Pincushion needs. Last weekend, Tokyo’s Design Festa delivered a level of craziness so far beyond words that once again, I’m just going to have to show you pictures. First, from the double rainbow world of animal goods… Think you can escape those pesky felines by locking yourself in the bathroom? Think again. The Cat TubContinueContinue reading “Tokyo Design Festa 2015: Seriously, You Can’t Make This Stuff Up”

Vast Carpets Of Lawn Cherries!

Outside of Japan, nobody has heard of shibazakura, but they should! Check out the rolling hills covered with pink flowers that bloom in the middle of May! (They’re actually a variety of phlox, so I’m guessing the “sakura” part of the name is a feeble-ish attempt to ride the coattails of Japan’s more famous flower season, but they DO deliverContinueContinue reading “Vast Carpets Of Lawn Cherries!”

Precision Drinking At The Science Bar

I must insist that you hoist a glass at the Science Bar Incubator, in the name of research! The bartender/owner has a degree in medical engineering, but his most successful experiments to date seem to be shots of tequila served with salt and lemon wedges in petri dishes, flights of wine measured out in test tubes, and beer chasers drafted into 500 ml beakers. After donning oneContinueContinue reading “Precision Drinking At The Science Bar”

What Japanese People Talk About At The Aquarium

Can apparently be made into quite tasty sashimi. WHO KNEW? So, today as I wandered around the Sunshine City Aquarium, I couldn’t help but overhear a few conversations between my fellow fish enthusiasts… “Wow, look at the size of that thing. It could easily feed an entire family.” After some discussion, it was decided thatContinueContinue reading “What Japanese People Talk About At The Aquarium”

Real Life Tokyo Drift

The roar of unmufflered engines! The smell of burning rubber! The gratuitously skimpy costumes of booth babes! Yes, this weekend is the Gran Turismo D1 Professional Drifting Grand Prix, and it does not disappoint! Coming around the first curve… …drifting into the next one… …screeching into the turn There are two rounds in each heat, on aContinueContinue reading “Real Life Tokyo Drift”

Flower Dream Strikes Again

Okay, it’s spring in Tokyo, so grit your teeth and strap on your martyr beanie, because it’s time to endure a higher than usual number of flower posts for a while! Today’s is some of the wild and weird stuff I saw last weekend at Flower Dream 2015, the floral design show that’s more likely to feature bark andContinueContinue reading “Flower Dream Strikes Again”

The Triple-Decker Noodle Burger

Just when you thought America had cornered the market when it came to eating ALL the carbs, Japanese burger chain Loteria one-ups the red-white-‘n-blue with this tri-deck noodle monster. Yes, it’s that carbo-load favorite, noodles on a bun. Times three. Enjoy. •

The Best Places To See Late-Blooming Cherry Trees In Tokyo

Many a cherry blossom party has been thwarted by wacky weather or unavoidable business trips, but even if the gods throw a wrench into your best-laid plans, don’t despair! Late-blooming yaezakura come into their full glory after the regular sakura fade to black. The late-bloomers don’t deliver the big pink cloud thing in quite the same way, but I secretly think they’re much more beautifulContinueContinue reading “The Best Places To See Late-Blooming Cherry Trees In Tokyo”

Nail Queen…From Hell

Too Much Is Never Enough when it comes to depicting the epic battle between Good and Evil, using fingernails. If Scary Nails was the theme of this year’s Nail Queen competition at the Tokyo Nail Expo, the winners definitely did not disappoint! As you can see by the outfit that goes with the winning nails, scaryContinueContinue reading “Nail Queen…From Hell”

The Best SECRET Cherry Blossom Spots In Tokyo!

Cherry blossoms and crowds go together like long bathroom lines and hanami parties, but at these secret Tokyo spots, you can enjoy the pinkness without getting trampled, even at peak season! Here are my favorite places: • ARK HILLS New for 2019! The Ark Hills development in Roppongi is nothing to write home about…until you see theContinueContinue reading “The Best SECRET Cherry Blossom Spots In Tokyo!”

New Type Kimono: Maximum Princess

So, check out one of my all-time favorite Japanese fashion trends – the Kimono Princess! Your typical Japanese gyaru might be happy to see kimono-wearing go the way of ballroom dancing and tea ceremony, but a growing number of hip young women are adopting the techniques of alt fashion subcultures to breathe new life into old-skool clothes. Kimono hime lovers flaunt convention with a mash-up of vintageContinueContinue reading “New Type Kimono: Maximum Princess”

Sexy Red Undies Opposite Day

So, there’s this street in Tokyo I’ve written about before that’s known as the “Grandma & Grandpa’s Harajuku” because it’s where all the oldsters go to stock up on the latest elderly comforts and fashions. My favorite store on Koshinzuka Street is the “Red Underpants” shop, which specializes in many, many, MANY styles of lucky red underwearContinueContinue reading “Sexy Red Undies Opposite Day”

Sleeping Bags Of Yore

At first I thought this was some kind of wacky winter kimono from prehistoric, pre-Patagonia days, but no: it’s actually a futon built for two! This fancy sleeping bag was actually used by courtesans when they entertained their customers in Yoshiwara! The Sleeping Bag Of Yore in action! Back in the day, plenty of men wealthy enough to buy opulent mummy bags for theirContinueContinue reading “Sleeping Bags Of Yore”

Where To See The Best Plum Blossoms In Tokyo

Suddenly, on the busy shopping street of Kappabashi-dori: these! I am a total, total sucker for plum blossoms. The flowers are much more beautiful than cherry blossoms up close, and you gotta admire that the damn things even bloom in the snow. I mean, they famously bloom in the snow (thousands of haiku can’t be wrong.) HereContinueContinue reading “Where To See The Best Plum Blossoms In Tokyo”