So, around this time of year, I get to thinking about how everybody is about to crowd into Japan to see the fluffy pink things, but that cherry blossom season is far from the only time that this place delivers yowzah-level flower extravaganzas. So I made a thing. Here’s what’s blooming when, and the best places to take photosContinueContinue reading “What’s Blooming In Japan Right Now?”
Author Archives: Jonelle Patrick
In Which We Encounter Japanese Engineering At Its Finest
Teamwork • Precision • Duct Tape It’s always reassuring to know that the Tokyo subways are state-of-the-art. • Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan
Lost In A Forest Of Blooming Plum Trees
This is just the entry forest Yesterday I got to stumble around doing a 360˚ gawk in a forest of plum trees wearing all their favorite clothes at once. Everywhere you look, tunnels and tunnels of plum goodness Kairakuen Garden in Mito was planted by a genius of a daimyo who totally got that too much of a good thing is never enough. 2,490 fluffy-branched trees later, IContinueContinue reading “Lost In A Forest Of Blooming Plum Trees”
Girls’ Day Dolls…On Steroids
There’s a little town about two hours from Tokyo called Katsuura, where one a year, dolls rule. 12,000 of them, to be exact. Just for comparison, this is about the most extravagant Girls’ Day display I’d seen before going to Katsuura. Most families just put out the emperor and empress, but the ones who areContinueContinue reading “Girls’ Day Dolls…On Steroids”
Plum Blossom Countdown
All of February (and a little of March) is the best time to see fluffy pink and white and red beauties bursting like popcorn all over Tokyo. Here are the best places to see them, in order of when they bloom: Note: These photos were all taken from 2014-2016, so depending on how warm or coldContinueContinue reading “Plum Blossom Countdown”
Rainbow Icicle Wonderland
On the way to the Werewolf Shrine in remote Chichibu, locals have enterprisingly turned the frozen waterfalls that spangle the cliffs and caves alongside the Arakawa River into a winter wonderland! First of all, before the sun goes down and the lights go up, check out the tiny photographer to get a sense of the size ofContinueContinue reading “Rainbow Icicle Wonderland”
Tweets From The Pillow Book
Sei Shonagon (with apologies to Hokusai) The author of The Pillow Book mastered the trending hashtag and the snarky tweet ten centuries before anyone had ever heard of Twitter… • @seishonagon One has gone to bed and is about to doze off when a mosquito appears, announcing himself in a reedy voice #hatefulthings @seishonagon One has beenContinueContinue reading “Tweets From The Pillow Book”
Thanks For Destroying My Fantasies, Little Host Stickers
Okay, when I spotted this page of stickers at Tokyu Hands featuring smokin’ hot hostboys, I thought they were kinda fun. Even considered buying a bunch of them to give to my favorite hostboy fangirls. And then I looked a little…closer. Ummm…why does this one read “Princess,” not “Prince”? Had to look this one up in myContinueContinue reading “Thanks For Destroying My Fantasies, Little Host Stickers”
The Drunken Pet Vending Machine
So, today I came home and found THIS. I don’t know what kind of shenanigans YOUR gacha-gacha toys get up to when they’re alone in the house, but… These adorable animals are available at the Drunken Pet vending machine for just ¥200 each! This series may be sold out by the time you’re next in Tokyo, but thereContinueContinue reading “The Drunken Pet Vending Machine”
The Werewolf Shrine
High on top of a snowy mountain in Chichibu – so far from any train station that you’ll be eligible for a senior citizen discount by the time you get off the bus – is the Mitsumine Jinja. At first it looks like a typical Shinto shrine with fox messengers at the gate… …but a closerContinueContinue reading “The Werewolf Shrine”
Top Ten Crazy Holiday Gifts From Japan 2016
Yes, it’s that time of year again, when you comb your list of friends & family for those who truly deserve that rare and awe-inspiring gift from Japan… 10. If there’s nobody on your list who needs a MANEATING VAMPIRE PURSE, you need to make new friends. Nom…nom…nom. Spotted this at Design Festa, but it’s also available at malicious.fashionstore.jpContinueContinue reading “Top Ten Crazy Holiday Gifts From Japan 2016”
Samurai Sox
Who WOULDN’T want these ultra-swaggy samurai sox or kimono cuties in their holiday loot pile? Spotted all these sox at the Shimojima store in Asakusabashi. •
Fox Village Videos!
Here’s what it’s like to visit Fox Village in the snow, when the foxes are at their fattest & fluffiest! I have to confess, when it comes to which animals would get to sit in business class in my ark, it’s all about the tails. Foxes, of course, have the most magnificent fruffy tails in all of the animalContinueContinue reading “Fox Village Videos!”
Scary Underwear Of Japan
Even under your baggiest gym shirts, these say, “I’ll give up the pec deck when I’m good and ready, buddy.” Why yes, I would like to use the free weights now. Sneak home in your undies without being captured by the enemy Nyan, nyan Okay, I admit I want this one DON’T JUDGE wat SawContinueContinue reading “Scary Underwear Of Japan”
What NOT To Wear For Halloween
As you can imagine, in the land where Sexy Santa and Sexy Skunk are a Thing (why, Japan, why?), Halloween is the premiere season for Costume Don’ts. AIEEEE NOOOO! Can’t unsee! Who wants to think about Sexy Totoro? NOT ME Sexy Stormtrooper ai yi yi what next? Sexy 3PO? DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A SUGGESTION AContinueContinue reading “What NOT To Wear For Halloween”
At The Crazy Cat Parade
I have to admit, I was powerless to resist going to a thing where hundreds of people dressed more or less as cats pranced down the street, some of them raucously performing musical numbers in which “nyan nyan nyan” replaced all the lyrics. The Bake Neko Parade gives everyone and their granny an excuse to dress up every October near KagurazakaContinueContinue reading “At The Crazy Cat Parade”
Japanese Food Styling Gone Wrong
Okay, as you know, I’ve long been fascinated with Japanese menu depictions of hot dogs, because they can’t seem to resist making them look a little, er, over-eager. But don’t you agree that these take hot dog styling to a whole new level? I mean, how do you even EAT these? They look like scale models forContinueContinue reading “Japanese Food Styling Gone Wrong”
The Peeing Statue Vending Machine
This month, the best dressed nude statue in all of Tokyo gets busy putting the weenie in Halloween It’s always hard to say goodbye to my favorite costumed peeing boy statue when I leave Tokyo, but now I don’t have to! Thanks to the awesome vending machine I discovered at Yodobashi Camera, I can take himContinueContinue reading “The Peeing Statue Vending Machine”
A Prickly Day At The Hedgehog Cafe
Turn down the volume on your squee-meter, unless you want to lose a little more of your hearing! Check out the little prickle monsters you can snuggle up with at Tokyo’s new Hedgehog Cafe… Okay, snuggle might not be quite the right word. As you can see, they’re not exactly covered in fluff The reason it’s called theContinueContinue reading “A Prickly Day At The Hedgehog Cafe”
Where To See Huge Fields Of Cosmos In Tokyo
If you think that vast fields of blooming wildflowers are something you won’t find in Tokyo…think again! From mid-September to mid-October every year, the lowly cosmos is elevated to extravaganza status at two different gardens, blossoming in snapworthy profusion for about four weeks. • SHOWA KINEN PARK – Tachikawa The first ones to bloom (mid-September to mid-October) in theContinueContinue reading “Where To See Huge Fields Of Cosmos In Tokyo”
In Which An 8th Century Monk Trolls Us All
Inside this telephone booth of yore lies the Miroku Stone. For hundreds of years (since the time of the venerable Kobo Daishi*) it has been known that if a virtuous person reaches through the little window and picks up the stone, it will feel light. But if you’ve been a bad boy, it will be unbearablyContinueContinue reading “In Which An 8th Century Monk Trolls Us All”
The Magical Red Forest
If it happens to be raining when you are invited to walk through a magical forest carpeted with five million blooming amaryllis, do not say no. Because this. If you’re in Tokyo at the end of September and would like to see the higanbana in bloom, get thee on the train to Koma Station (it takes aboutContinueContinue reading “The Magical Red Forest”
Essential Gear For The Corporate Warrior
For those times when you need to make a stealth dash to an important meeting through a forest of trees with blood…red…leaves…. And no one will dare question your commitment to the mission when you appear at the obligatory company ballgame outing wearing this samurai baseball cap Saw the red camo shoes at a shoeContinueContinue reading “Essential Gear For The Corporate Warrior”
Goldfish, Goldfish, Everywhere
Although by now we’re all sort of feeling like “don’t let the door hit you on the way out, you miserably hot & humid Japanese summer,” some of the various celebrations of goldfish are lingering on in a most delightful way until the end of September. Here they are! ART AQUARIUM This summer is the 10th anniversary ofContinueContinue reading “Goldfish, Goldfish, Everywhere”
Twice The Guilt, Half The Pleasure
What’s wrong with this picture? Okay, I totally get that some days it’s hard to choose between a bucket of french fries and a bathtub of ice cream. I even understand that some days you just say FML, I’m having BOTH. But this? No. Just…no. •
Potatosaurus Rex
A few days ago I was climbing the escalators in the hated Skytree* in search of the Sumidagawa Aquarium, and was stopped in my tracks by this. An exhibition of fake food art! Best. Idea. Ever. bwahahahaha EAT ALL THE CHIPS (This extinct denizen of the Junk Food Era was made by artist Katsutoshi Mutō) I admit, this makes me want meContinueContinue reading “Potatosaurus Rex”
Wading Through A Sea Of Stars & Flowers
It was the last day of the DMM Planets attraction out in Odaiba today, but if you missed your chance to roll up your pants & wade around in a cloud-like sea of flowers and goldfish with a kerbillion and a half other people, here’s what it was like: My favorite part of the thing, though, was the CrystalContinueContinue reading “Wading Through A Sea Of Stars & Flowers”
It Must Be Fake Peach Flavor Season Again
The vending machines are suddenly stuffed with pink drinks. Of course, there hasn’t been a genuine fuzzy-skinned stone fruit within a thousand kilometers of these so-called “peach” libations, but that doesn’t stop them from making the point that even drinks flavored with highly unnatural chemicals must only appear when they’re “in season” in Japan. •
The Waterfall Made Of Light
Summer illuminations at Tokyo Midtown delivering all the goodness! This waterfall made of animated LEDs is conveniently paired with a pop-up mojito stand, so you can ooh and ah at the light-up while getting lit up yourself. Which would you rather do: Enjoy the serenity of a cascading river while sipping a cocktail? Or swat mosquitoes while smearing on blister cream after a pesky hike? Naturally,ContinueContinue reading “The Waterfall Made Of Light”
St. Bondage
One painfully, BEASTLY hot day, I was scuttling along from shade puddle to shade puddle on my way back to Kanamachi Station, and I happened to glance through the gate of a random temple I was passing. Inside, I spotted this! This saint had to have some obscure specialty, like the Wart Curing Jizo or the Scrub Brush Shrine, andContinueContinue reading “St. Bondage”
Which One Is The REAL Goldfish?
Not easy, is it? Okay, I’ll give you a hint: this one doesn’t need to be fed. The lovely specimen in the wooden saké box is a painting of a goldfish. Actually, it’s about a gazillion paintings of a goldfish. Artist Riusuke Fukahori builds these 3-D wonders by pouring a thin layer of clear resin, painting a slice of goldfish,ContinueContinue reading “Which One Is The REAL Goldfish?”
Hydrangeas: Gateway To A Life Of Crime
I have a confession to make. Although my job is to write about ingenious ways people commit murder and mayhem, when it comes to obsessing about how I’d commit the perfect crime, it always ends up with hydrangeas. Yes, hydrangeas. To be more specific, hydrangea smuggling. Because before I went to Japan, I never dreamed that the humble fluffballs flanking granny’sContinueContinue reading “Hydrangeas: Gateway To A Life Of Crime”
Kick That Bald Spot To The Curb, J-Style
Yes this beauty is from the Japanese doppelgänger of SkyMall, found in every bullet train seat pocket! Now THAT’s what I call a RUG. •
The Catzilla Vending Machine
Overcome with a burning need for yet more weird plastic toys (hey, don’t pretend this doesn’t happen to you!) I was poking around in my favorite Akihabara gachagacha emporium when I discovered THIS: Yes! It’s what Japan’s favorite irradiated lizard would look like if it were a cat! With two tails! (Rather a lucky mutation, since threeContinueContinue reading “The Catzilla Vending Machine”
The Gods Of Cuteness Anoint The Most Inexplicable Animal Yet
At the time I bought these, I thought I’d better snap them up, because I’d never see another piece of tapir-themed goods as long as I lived. Haha, I thought. Seriously? Tapirs? If there was a vote on which animal is least likely to be described as “fluffy, “winsome” and “cuddly,” I think tapirs would pretty much win the internet.ContinueContinue reading “The Gods Of Cuteness Anoint The Most Inexplicable Animal Yet”
Where To See The Most Gorgeous Peonies In Tokyo
If you’ve never walked among peonies that stand shoulder-high, with flowers as big as your head, get thee to these Tokyo gardens right now and prepare to be amazed! NISHIARAI-DAISHI TEMPLE This garden never disappoints. As you can see, it’s not small! Each bush is pretty much more beautiful than the last. I recommend recording yourselfContinueContinue reading “Where To See The Most Gorgeous Peonies In Tokyo”
Temple Cats, With Attitude
In Japan, neko and temples go together like fish guts and beer, and every graveyard attracts a cadre of cats to guard the departed. At first I tried not to think about what they might be eating to make them so fat and happy (DO NOT GO THERE) until I was lurking around taking pictures late one afternoon, and witnessed the duelling cat ladies. SufficeContinueContinue reading “Temple Cats, With Attitude”
The Best Dressed Nude Statue In All Of Tokyo
Sometimes you’re trudging home and dreading getting on a crowded train, then you find THIS! How great is it that they have a peeing boy statue smack in the middle of the train platform at the otherwise grim Hamamatsucho Station? As if that weren’t cheering enough, for over fifteen years this bronze nude taking a perpetual whizz has been dressedContinueContinue reading “The Best Dressed Nude Statue In All Of Tokyo”
Subway Manners…For Aliens
Because seriously, unless you were raised by Mechagodzilla, how could you not know that headbutting a station employee, grabbing him by his necktie and drunk-pitching your beer in his face are not exactly recommended by Miss Manners? (And if you were raised by aliens, expect a lump of coal in your next Xmas stocking if a wimpy poster convinces you to abandonContinueContinue reading “Subway Manners…For Aliens”
The Best Cherry Blossom Spots In Tokyo – With Maps!
Cherry blossoms at the Imperial Palace Chidorigafuchi Moat MAP TO ALL First of all, what kind of cherry blossoms do you want to see? They bloom in four waves of different varieties, starting in mid-March with the dark pink kanzakura… Early-blooming cherries at Shinjuku Gyō-en then the weeping varieties bloom from mid-March to the end ofContinueContinue reading “The Best Cherry Blossom Spots In Tokyo – With Maps!”
Get Your Very Own 3D Selfie
The idea of being able to get a Barbie-sized clone of yourself has been an internet tease for so long that I almost walked past the studio displaying these super lifelike figures that had obviously been modeled on real people. Surely there would be the usual fine print: “GET A PERFECT PINT-SIZED REPLICA OF YOURSELF (for only $100,000,000,000)” or “NOWContinueContinue reading “Get Your Very Own 3D Selfie”
How To Tell You’re Near Mt. Fuji
Because even the construction cones… •
Finally, Girls’ Day For Goths!
Is your favorite lipstick color black? Do net quizzes always sort you into Slytherin? Would you rather eat deep fried cod testicles than be seen in a pink kimono? Then this set of Girls’ Day dolls is for you! Goto Dolls has done a major update on the whole thank you very much we’re just sitting here with ourContinueContinue reading “Finally, Girls’ Day For Goths!”
Fox Village: Even Better With Snow On Top!
I thought I’d died and gone to heaven when I finally made it to Zao Fox Village last spring, but it’s a good thing I didn’t actually shuffle off this mortal coil due to fox-induced bliss, because then I would have missed seeing all these fluffy vixen in the SNOW! In the winter, they’re at their fattest and furriest! With tails set toContinueContinue reading “Fox Village: Even Better With Snow On Top!”
Honest Abe Gets An Extreme Makeover
I thought playing Rhett Butler in an all-Japanese, all-female production of Gone With The Wind was about as gender-bendy as you could get, but now one of the esteemed actresses in the famed Takarazuka troupe is donning beard and top hat to portray America’s most gangly abolitionist! •
Pink Pepper Milk Coffee
In case a shot of caffeine isn’t quite enough to get you going in the morning… (If you’re braver than I am, you can find it this month at your nearest Precious Coffee Moments shop.) •
Epic Japanese Quilt Show
“Flowers Of The Cosmos” by Fumiko Nakayama Let me just say right up front that this quilt show exceeded expectations in every way. Something I really love about Japan is that Art-With-A-Captial-A is defined so generously, and artists whose work requires many years of mastering the technical parts of making it are not dismissed as “craftsmen” but givenContinueContinue reading “Epic Japanese Quilt Show”
The Angry Fox Ghost Vending Machine
I thought I’d reached the highest level of gacha-gacha nirvana when I discovered the Angry Cat Ghost vending machine last year, but yesterday walking through what I’d previously thought of as the ninth-circle-of-hell Shinagawa station, I spied these: YOKAI FOXES! As you can see, they come in six, count ’em SIX, fabulous colors, three with lucky messenger-of-the-gods markings. And yeah, as youContinueContinue reading “The Angry Fox Ghost Vending Machine”
Setagaya Boroichi: The Grand Pooh-bah Of All Flea Markets
I’d heard about the Boroichi Flea Market for ages, but never made it to one until today. Yikes, it filled every street and alleyway for BLOCKS! In classic flea market style, there was loads of crap studded liberally with actual finds, but I think I can pretty much guarantee that somewhere within this maze you can satisfy your burning desire for…ContinueContinue reading “Setagaya Boroichi: The Grand Pooh-bah Of All Flea Markets”
Flowers By Naked
(I put together this one-minute video because seriously, stills just couldn’t capture how awesome this show is YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY) The name of this exhibition only makes sense if you recognize the name of the digital artists known as Naked, who are the hottest projection-mapping badasses in Tokyo right now. And HOO BOY they did not disappoint! I’m always ready toContinueContinue reading “Flowers By Naked”
Only In Japan 