The Gods Of Cuteness Anoint The Most Inexplicable Animal Yet

At the time I bought these, I thought I'd better snap them up, because I'd never see another piece of tapir-themed goods as long as I lived. Haha, I thought. Seriously? Tapirs?
At the time I bought these, I thought I’d better snap them up, because I’d never see another piece of tapir-themed goods as long as I lived. Haha, I thought. Seriously? Tapirs?

If there was a vote on which animal is least likely to be described as “fluffy, “winsome” and “cuddly,” I think tapirs would pretty much win the internet.

Okay, to be fair: baby exemption. Tapir babies are pretty cute. Which makes it even more inexplicable that the merch makers ignored this fact?
Okay, to be fair: baby exemption. Tapir babies are pretty cute. Which makes it even more inexplicable that the merch makers steadfastly ignored this fact. Unless there’s some sort of secret Challenge Accepted award I don’t know about. (Thank you, Bristol Zoo, for clarifying)

So why are tapirs suddenly everywhere? Honestly, I’ve been trying to ignore this. How can tapirs be a THING? Of course, Japan has tasted the depths of cuteness desperation before, but this has to be a new low.

First inkling of the tapir takeover: beady tapir rice bowls 'n teacups at last year's Design Festa.
First inkling of the tapir takeover: beady tapir rice bowls ‘n teacups at last year’s Design Festa.
But when they started appearing outside Shibuya station, I realized resistance was futile
But when they started appearing outside Shibuya station, I realized resistance was futile
An appropriately anxious-looking tapir gracing a subway card sticker
An appropriately anxious-looking tapir gracing a subway card sticker
Tapirs + coniferous trees of the far north + chartreuse = let's design the WTFiest socks ever
Tapirs + coniferous trees of the far north + chartreuse = let’s design the WTFiest socks ever
Prehensile-nosed mammals snuffling about on a Shibuya Loft cosmetics bag
Prehensile-nosed mammals snuffling about on a cosmetics bag at Shibuya Loft.
Hiding among otherwise adorable chopstick rests
Hiding among otherwise adorable chopstick rests
The kimono obi most appropriate for tapir-viewing-in-the-rain season
The kimono obi most appropriate for tapir-viewing-in-the-rain season
And finally, my favorite: a box of what-the-whating-what animal crackers discovered by my friend Laurie Fellesz at DonKi. Bonus points for shape not even remotely resembling a tapir. Also, peafowl.
And finally, my favorite: a box of what-the-whating-what animal crackers discovered by my friend and fellow writer Laurie Fellezs at DonKi. Bonus points for shape not even remotely resembling a tapir. Also, peafowl.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
 The Last Tea Bowl Thief was chosen as an Editor’s Pick for Best Mystery, Thriller & Suspense on Amazon

For three hundred years, a missing tea bowl passes from one fortune-seeker to the next, changing the lives of all who possess it…read more

“A fascinating mix of history and mystery.” —Booklist

Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly e-magazine Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had

 

Published by Jonelle Patrick

Writes all the Japan things.

13 thoughts on “The Gods Of Cuteness Anoint The Most Inexplicable Animal Yet

      1. They ARE, however, the perfect example of animals one would definitely squee over as a baby, but when it grows into a beady-eyed prehensile-nosed bathtub-size mammal lurking in your swimming pool…maybe not so much.

  1. Wow, who could have predicted this? They are pretty cute, actually. Plus I like the glimpse of a fox above the subway card sticker. Perhaps their moment is winding down.

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