Kawanabe Kyosai. He’d have had the best instagram ever. Because Goth WAY before Goth Because FART BATTLES (Excuse me, can we just zoom in on that action for a moment?) Because elephant shenanigans Because before magical folkloric foxes can turn themselves into alluring women bent on tempting silly humans to their doom, they have toContinueContinue reading “Why I’d Totally Follow This Guy’s Instagram If He Hadn’t Died In 1889”
Category Archives: Just another day in Japan
In Which We Encounter Japanese Engineering At Its Finest
Teamwork • Precision • Duct Tape It’s always reassuring to know that the Tokyo subways are state-of-the-art. • Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan
The Werewolf Shrine
High on top of a snowy mountain in Chichibu – so far from any train station that you’ll be eligible for a senior citizen discount by the time you get off the bus – is the Mitsumine Jinja. At first it looks like a typical Shinto shrine with fox messengers at the gate… …but a closerContinueContinue reading “The Werewolf Shrine”
At The Crazy Cat Parade
I have to admit, I was powerless to resist going to a thing where hundreds of people dressed more or less as cats pranced down the street, some of them raucously performing musical numbers in which “nyan nyan nyan” replaced all the lyrics. The Bake Neko Parade gives everyone and their granny an excuse to dress up every October near KagurazakaContinueContinue reading “At The Crazy Cat Parade”
In Which An 8th Century Monk Trolls Us All
Inside this telephone booth of yore lies the Miroku Stone. For hundreds of years (since the time of the venerable Kobo Daishi*) it has been known that if a virtuous person reaches through the little window and picks up the stone, it will feel light. But if you’ve been a bad boy, it will be unbearablyContinueContinue reading “In Which An 8th Century Monk Trolls Us All”
Wading Through A Sea Of Stars & Flowers
It was the last day of the DMM Planets attraction out in Odaiba today, but if you missed your chance to roll up your pants & wade around in a cloud-like sea of flowers and goldfish with a kerbillion and a half other people, here’s what it was like: My favorite part of the thing, though, was the CrystalContinueContinue reading “Wading Through A Sea Of Stars & Flowers”
Hydrangeas: Gateway To A Life Of Crime
I have a confession to make. Although my job is to write about ingenious ways people commit murder and mayhem, when it comes to obsessing about how I’d commit the perfect crime, it always ends up with hydrangeas. Yes, hydrangeas. To be more specific, hydrangea smuggling. Because before I went to Japan, I never dreamed that the humble fluffballs flanking granny’sContinueContinue reading “Hydrangeas: Gateway To A Life Of Crime”
Temple Cats, With Attitude
In Japan, neko and temples go together like fish guts and beer, and every graveyard attracts a cadre of cats to guard the departed. At first I tried not to think about what they might be eating to make them so fat and happy (DO NOT GO THERE) until I was lurking around taking pictures late one afternoon, and witnessed the duelling cat ladies. SufficeContinueContinue reading “Temple Cats, With Attitude”
The Best Dressed Nude Statue In All Of Tokyo
Sometimes you’re trudging home and dreading getting on a crowded train, then you find THIS! How great is it that they have a peeing boy statue smack in the middle of the train platform at the otherwise grim Hamamatsucho Station? As if that weren’t cheering enough, for over fifteen years this bronze nude taking a perpetual whizz has been dressedContinueContinue reading “The Best Dressed Nude Statue In All Of Tokyo”
Subway Manners…For Aliens
Because seriously, unless you were raised by Mechagodzilla, how could you not know that headbutting a station employee, grabbing him by his necktie and drunk-pitching your beer in his face are not exactly recommended by Miss Manners? (And if you were raised by aliens, expect a lump of coal in your next Xmas stocking if a wimpy poster convinces you to abandonContinueContinue reading “Subway Manners…For Aliens”
How To Tell You’re Near Mt. Fuji
Because even the construction cones… •
Setagaya Boroichi: The Grand Pooh-bah Of All Flea Markets
I’d heard about the Boroichi Flea Market for ages, but never made it to one until today. Yikes, it filled every street and alleyway for BLOCKS! In classic flea market style, there was loads of crap studded liberally with actual finds, but I think I can pretty much guarantee that somewhere within this maze you can satisfy your burning desire for…ContinueContinue reading “Setagaya Boroichi: The Grand Pooh-bah Of All Flea Markets”
How About A Nice Cup Of Civet Poop Coffee?
Yes, I know this rare and elusive cat-snake lives in Bali, but because Japan is the world magnet for weird food experiences, the only place I’ve ever discovered a shop where I could order a cup of civet poop coffee is in Tokyo. The kopi luwat civet poops coffee. Or, to be more precise, it climbsContinueContinue reading “How About A Nice Cup Of Civet Poop Coffee?”
The Deli For Dogs
How can Fifi decide between the tofu rolls and the pumpkin balls? I was cutting through my favorite crazy pet store in Odaiba, when I spotted what I thought was a deli counter where pet owners who had become famished while stocking up on camouflage dog strollers and duck muzzles could grab a bite, but when I looked closer, all the artfully styled foodContinueContinue reading “The Deli For Dogs”
Level Up, Halloweenies!
Because in Japan, dressing up is no joke! Real cosplayers scoff at Halloween as Amateur Night, but for most people, the Big H is a chance to flaunt their secret zombie in public, and even ordinary citizens put serious effort into Doing It Right. Here’s what the rather elaborate makeup “suggestions” look like up close! Here, if you want to beContinueContinue reading “Level Up, Halloweenies!”
My Worst Foreigner Moment
Okay, in the interest of not being That Hellishly Smug Foreigner, it’s only fair that I confess my most cringeworthy moment in Japan. Not that there haven’t been plenty of other times I’ve been secretly branded a henna gaijin by phalanxes of nice Japanese people averting their eyes and backing away slowly, but this one is a classic because it involves, yes, Mt.ContinueContinue reading “My Worst Foreigner Moment”
Subway Safety For Rockabillies
Tokyo Metro’s subway safety posters always crack me up, because they all seem to be earnestly designed by Captain Obvious, but this one actually made me laugh with it, not at it. I mean DUH you’d have to be an idiot to know you shouldn’t prance along the scary side of the yellow line while drunk or shove unsuspecting fellow commuters into theContinueContinue reading “Subway Safety For Rockabillies”
I Saw A New Wild Animal In Tokyo!
Walking home late one night, a flicker of unexpected movement caught my eye. When I looked up, there was something scampering along the phone lines above my head! A cat? A rat? No it was BIG. Sorry these photos are so crap – the only camera I had with me was my phone! At first, I thought it might be aContinueContinue reading “I Saw A New Wild Animal In Tokyo!”
The Cute Little Toilet
I never expected to be ambushed by cuteness at a highway rest stop bathroom, but check out this tiny toilet for tots!（≧∇≦） •
New-Type Saints
On my way to check out the rooster shrine, I chanced upon these sight-challenged Jizos and a celebrity Kannon, chilling in a parking lot. Finally, a Jizo-sama to protect kids who can’t see a baseball coming. Lady Kannon, here to lead you safely through the valley of uncoolness without any of it rubbing off on you. TheContinueContinue reading “New-Type Saints”
Suddenly, Godzilla!
Yes, I’m history. Warning: when you’re in Japan, be careful never to say, “Just bite me!” because THIS might happen. If you walk out of the Tokyo Midtown exit of Roppongi Station right now, you too can be snarfed up by everyone’s favorite radioactive mutant. •
What Japanese People Talk About At The Aquarium
Can apparently be made into quite tasty sashimi. WHO KNEW? So, today as I wandered around the Sunshine City Aquarium, I couldn’t help but overhear a few conversations between my fellow fish enthusiasts… “Wow, look at the size of that thing. It could easily feed an entire family.” After some discussion, it was decided thatContinueContinue reading “What Japanese People Talk About At The Aquarium”
Forever Alone Appliances
The Solo Oven: for making those lonely – yet manly – breakfasts Used to be – if you were a Japanese man – you had it made. Food magically appeared on the table every mealtime and you never even had to learn how to push the button on the rice cooker or face the pots & pans that becameContinueContinue reading “Forever Alone Appliances”
Hot Springs Latte Art
It was a rainy autumn morning in the mountains of Gunma, but I didn’t care because I’d just spent a half hour soaking in punishingly hot mineral water at a Japanese inn and was sitting in front of an extra-strong coffee with the hot springs mark drawn in the foam! Here’s how you know you’re in hot spring territory! •
How To Make A Wickedly Scary Gash On Your Arm In Seven Easy Steps!
Looks totally real, doesn’t it? In fact, it’s the artistry of one of the students at the Amazing School JUR’s special effects table at Design Festa! I opted for the ¥500 standard slasher attack, but you could also sign up for the ¥1000 “X-marks-the-psycho” gashes or a gaping wound that looked like the velociraptors gotContinueContinue reading “How To Make A Wickedly Scary Gash On Your Arm In Seven Easy Steps!”
Fall Is When The Vending Machines Change Colors In Japan
Blue tags are cold drinks, hot ones are orange Here, you don’t need to go out and commune with nature to know when autumn has arrived – all you have to do is check your corner vending machine to see how many of the cold tea offerings have switched over to hot tea. •
「Yokohama Smart Illuminations」: Wow. Just…wow.
Last night I went to see what I thought was going to be a modest art-light event on the Yokohama waterfront, secretly expecting that the photos from past years were exaggerating the quality of the illuminations. I was SO WRONG! This event was spectacular. See for yourself! You know you’re in the right place when you chance across aContinueContinue reading “「Yokohama Smart Illuminations」: Wow. Just…wow.”
Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn (That We’re Both Female And Japanese!)
Yes, the famed all-female Takarazuka troupe is back on stage, mustachioed and corseted and ready to kick some Civil War butt! After mind-bendingly taking on the roles of handsome male scalawags (Oceans Eleven) and all-American soldiers fighting the Japanese (South Pacific), it’s not so much of a stretch to imagine a dashing Rhette-ette sweeping Scarlett off her feet. ButContinueContinue reading “Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn (That We’re Both Female And Japanese!)”
Meet The John & Jane Doe Of Japan
So, you know how Everycountry has an Everyman and Everywoman? Well, in Japan, its… Your humble servant, John Doe… …and your average goodwife, Jane. •
Furry Elephants. With Claws.
Do you think the artist who carved these beasties had ever actually seen one? I guess it doesn’t matter, as long as the guy who paid the bill hadn’t either. These elephants are carved on one of the main buildings at the Tōshōgū Shrine in Nikko, built by the first shogun, Ieyasu Tokugawa. •
Yes, This Is One Wisteria Plant!
In case you need proof that “the harder a garden is to get to, the more spectacular it is,” look no further than Ashikaga Flower Park. Two solid hours from Tokyo by car (or two and a half hours hopping on and off four different trains), I didn’t believe any flowers could be worth the trip. But as youContinueContinue reading “Yes, This Is One Wisteria Plant!”
Fish Flag Day!
Gigantic fish flags take to the sky at Nishiarai Daishi temple On a fine spring day, how can you not be cheered by spotting koi nobori swimming through the sky? It’s Children’s Day again, here in Japan, and fathers & sons everywhere are celebrating by having iris fights in the bath. Carp flags school over the shopping street inContinueContinue reading “Fish Flag Day!”
Japanese Invent A New Way For VIP Visits To Annoy The Populace
The populace protests the closure. You know how it goes when a VIP comes to town: streets unexpectedly blocked, swarms of shifty-eyed men in dark suits with little curly wires in their ears, cavalcades of unnecessarily long dark cars swanning through the streets? Annoying, right? Well, in Japan, everybody takes the subway, so you’d thinkContinueContinue reading “Japanese Invent A New Way For VIP Visits To Annoy The Populace”
The Scrub Brush Shrine
So, I’m trudging back to the bus stop after catching Sankei-en having the Japanese garden equivalent of a bad hair day,* when I spot this odd little shrine tucked between two houses. The altar is a big pitted rock, and it’s covered with…scrub brushes? What is this, the patron kami-sama of cleaning supplies? Wrong-o! This shrine is the cureContinueContinue reading “The Scrub Brush Shrine”
Alt Cherry
So, during cherry blossom season, people naturally flock to places with maximum pink fluffiness. But if you don’t have any real blooming cherry trees of epic proportions, how do you avoid being the location equivalent of Forever Alone? Behold the ingenuity of even the stodgiest of institutions… If you’re the mighty flagship Mitsukoshi department store, youContinueContinue reading “Alt Cherry”
Cherry Blossom Party Costumes I Would Regret
Having a bad hair day? Put this sakura-themed bag over your head and untag yourself from the cherry blossom festivities! The cherry trees are readying their onslaught, and it’s almost time for the annual beer-fuelled frolicking to commence. What better way to say, “I am a wild and crazy guy” than to don one of these festiveContinueContinue reading “Cherry Blossom Party Costumes I Would Regret”
Neon Wonderland At Night
Tokyo isn’t a beautiful city, except when it rains at night. Then the neon flows into the streets, brighter than liquid gold. Shin Okubo’s main street More Shin Okubo Kabukicho Takadanobaba Shin Okubo again •
Changing The World, One Tag At A Time
I started taking pictures of work by the street artist known as 281_Antinuke a couple of years ago because I thought it was beautiful. Now I shoot it because I think it’s the voice of young Japanese saying to their society: we don’t want prosperity at the price of environmental destruction. While the government triesContinueContinue reading “Changing The World, One Tag At A Time”
Early Spring At Shinjuku Gyōen
Today it was raining. But I went to Shinjuku Gyouen garden anyway. If you’d like to visit Shinjuku Gyō-en garden the next time you’re in Tokyo visit my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had. •
How Underwhelming Can You Get?
Tokyo SkyTree. You can’t miss it. It’s that gigantic over-hyped TV tower rearing its unremarkable, yet insistently lit-up head out beyond Asakusa. For twenty bucks you can go up it and see the view. Except today. Today all I could see was, well, this. The most expensive clouds I have ever seen. Fortunately for usContinueContinue reading “How Underwhelming Can You Get?”
Emergency Funeral Tie
In case of an unscheduled Grim Reaper appearance… Every convenience store in Japan sells clothes. Emergency clothes. Say you missed the last train home and have to prop yourself in a comic book café cubicle all night, then head straight back to the hamster wheel the next morning. Your white shirt no longer passes muster,ContinueContinue reading “Emergency Funeral Tie”
All About Love Hotels!
Ground Control to Major Tom: Take your protein pills and put your Trojan on! Where I come from, the kind of hotels that charge by the hour instead of the night are ultra-shady and tend to get raided by the cops a lot. Not in Japan! In the country where most people live in quartersContinueContinue reading “All About Love Hotels!”
Traditional KFC Christmas Dinner, Now With Seaweed!
Lines stretch around the block at every KFC in Tokyo on Christmas Eve, as household minions are dispatched to pick up the traditional holiday fare, but this year they have a choice between regular and seaweed flavor. Pass the biscuits and tofu, ma! • And if you’re looking for some fine escapist reading to curl upContinueContinue reading “Traditional KFC Christmas Dinner, Now With Seaweed!”
The Japanese Bus Tour: A Cultural Experience of Epic Proportions
How NOT to use a toilet. This sign mutely admonished all comers at one of the Mall Of America-sized rest stops along the way. I’d have to say that going on a two-day bus tour to the Ise Shrine has to rank right up there with staying overnight at a comic book café and goingContinueContinue reading “The Japanese Bus Tour: A Cultural Experience of Epic Proportions”
Break Glass In Case Of Poetry
Wandering the grounds at Hikone Castle, I came across this curious little box on a post. It had cards, it had a writing shelf, it had a slot for depositing the cards after one had used the writing shelf. I couldn’t read the kanji on the front. What was it? A suggestion box? Why wouldContinueContinue reading “Break Glass In Case Of Poetry”
Emergency Parenting Supplies
The baggage sling under the stroller belonging to the family I saw on the train the other day wasn’t carrying diapers or baby food or extra clothes or toys. Just a giant bottle of saké. •
Pooping On Laundry Prohibited!
Okay, this sign actually reads “Don’t Give Food To The Pigeons!” but it goes on to give a rather elaborate rationale for withholding bread crumbs from the little beggars. It seems that not only will feeding them provoke an unnatural population explosion, the poop from all those extra pigeons will be a scourge on localContinueContinue reading “Pooping On Laundry Prohibited!”
My Beautiful Handwashed Trash
Check this out. I totally have the cleanest trash in all the land. If I lived in America, (this would be some weird parallel universe America that has the same insane garbage rules as Japan, which require that recyclables be CLEAN before they are put out for collection on the appointed day), I’d have putContinueContinue reading “My Beautiful Handwashed Trash”
Wanted: Human Shield And Occasional Apologizer
See those guys in blue uniforms? Their job is to stand there like human bollards until the massive crush dies down, making sure the mob getting off the inhumanly packed morning train doesn’t block the people scampering to catch their ride going in the opposite direction, out to the burbs. This is rush hour atContinueContinue reading “Wanted: Human Shield And Occasional Apologizer”
Shop ‘n Chill
So you get to the Ginza Mitsukoshi department store food hall bright and early to nab a coveted bunch of First Grapes Of The Season before they’re sold out, then you spot a nice piece of salmon for dinner. You buy it before remembering that you have to go to the dentist after doing yourContinueContinue reading “Shop ‘n Chill”
Only In Japan 