Modern Day Tweets From The Pillow Book

If Sei Shonagōn were alive and well and living in Tokyo…

@seishonagon A latecomer pushes in front of you at a festival and holds up his huge ipad to take pictures #hatefulthings

@seishonagon Someone wearing a bright orange jacket is standing around texting on his phone, smack in the middle of a famous photo spot #hatefulthings

@seishonagon You step off the train to let other people leave, and another passenger slides into your spot next to the door #hatefulthings

@seishonagon The remnants of latte art in the bottom of a cup #thingsthathavelosttheirpower

@seishonagon A free ticket for a museum exhibit that’s already over #thingsthathavelosttheirpower

@seishonagon It’s finally your turn to toss your coin at the shrine, but it bounces off the slats of the offering box and rolls away #embarrassingthings

@seishonagon A small child waiting for the light to change watches you dash across the street while it’s still red #embarrassingthings

@seishonagon A visiting friend takes your advice to go see your favorite museum, but it’s the day after a national holiday and it’s closed #embarrassingthings

@seishonagon Your station zipping past when you accidentally boarded the express train #thingsthataredistantthoughnear

@seishonagon You can see that the immigration clerk is several days past her ideal roots touch-up date, but there are still fifty numbers ahead of yours #thingsthataredistantthoughnear

@seishonagon A sold-out light burns below the peach-flavored water in the vending machine #thingsthataredistantthoughnear

@seishonagon Those pale cherry blossoms that barely look pink, even in real life #thingsthatgainbybeingphotoshopped

@seishonagon The mildewed raincoat of the man pressed up against you in a packed train #squalidthings

@seishonagon A trampled washcloth in the crosswalk on a rainy day #squalidthings

@seishonagon Discovering your point card is filled up, so your coffee is unexpectedly free #pleasingthings

@seishonagon A famous garden, deserted on a rainy day #pleasingthings

@seishonagon Being the first one to walk through fresh snow in the morning #pleasingthings

Detail from a portrait of Sei Shonagōn, with apologies to Mitsuoki Tosa

(And if you’re looking for ACTUAL tweets from the Pillow Book, they are here, in all their timeless glory!)

When not channeling snark from beyond the grave, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo

When Detective Kenji Nakamura’s phone rings with the news that his mother’s death wasn’t an accident, his life begins to unravel…read more