Xmas Gifts I Do Not Want To Find Under My Tree

The world’s most dreaded procedure play set

When flossing looks like the most fun activity on offer, you know you’re in trouble.

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The fermented soybean puzzle

The only thing that would make this puzzle featuring clumps of Japan’s most notoriously unfriendly food less fun would be if it were real nattō, which is one of the stinkiest substances known to man.

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Bath salts that make you smell like…convenience store stew?

If someone thinks my idea of relaxation is luxuriating in a cauldron of simmering oden (a Japanese specialty which mysteriously features only white ingredients), they don’t know me as well as they think they do.

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The ashtray you might accidentally take a sip from

Yeah, not a mistake one might thank the giver for setting up.

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A cuddly stuffed isopod

This too-accurate seafloor denizen comes in so many sizes, it can be used to disappoint recipients of all ages.

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And finally…the rhinoceros beetle bath bomb multi-pack

There’s nothing quite like anticipating the delights revealed by your bath bomb, only to be suddenly sharing your tub with an invasion of enormous rubber beetles

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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly e-magazine Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had