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Things I Never Envisioned Myself Owning

#japangoals #shutup

Yes, it’s exactly what it looks like. A fuzzy green polka-dot toilet seat cover.

Because Japan delivers a whole new level of hurt to the concept of freezing your butt off: the fact that I actually went out and bought this is a testament to the truth that no toilet seat is as cold as a toilet seat that must be faced at midnight in February, in a land where even a goodly number of godforsaken public toilets have cozy heated seats, and everyone living nearby (EVERYONE I TELL YOU EVERYONE BUT MEEEE) has one too.

When not freezing her patootie off in her own powder room, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo

When Detective Kenji Nakamura’s phone rings with the news that his mother’s death wasn’t an accident, his life begins to unravel…read more


Jonelle Patrick View All

Writing mystery books set in Tokyo is mostly what I do, but I also blog about the odd stuff I see every day in Japan. I'm a graduate of Stanford University and the Sendagaya Japanese Institute in Tokyo, and a member of the International Thriller Writers, the Mystery Writers of America, and Sisters In Crime. When I'm not in Tokyo, I live in San Francisco. I also host a travel site called The Tokyo Guide I Wish I'd Had, so if you're headed to Japan and want to check out the places I take my friends when they're in town, take a look!

5 thoughts on “Things I Never Envisioned Myself Owning Leave a comment

  1. Remembering that our “mansion” had a separate “closet” for the toilet, and on cold nights the toilet water would freeze in the bowl. Imagine the temp of the seat above the iceberg!
    I will comment, Jonelle, that the polka dots follow contemporary fashion, but then you knew that!! ⛄️❄️⛄️

    • Aieeee, I knew that if I scratched the surface, far more terrible cold toilet stories would emerge! I now find myself imagining what might happen to one’s tender nether parts when they touched that ice-cold seat (conjuring tongue-to-railing photos NO NO DON’T GO THERE). You do remind me that I’m not actually the only one in all of Japan without a heated toilet seat, because otherwise why would there be such a vast selection of toilet seat covers to choose from at the local Seiyu? All of them, I’ll note, with even more uncool designs. Honestly, it’s a race to the bottom LITERALLY AHAHAHAHA in the toilet cover design department.

  2. Don’t despair, my friend. We don’t have a heated seat either. But we managed to find plain tan seat covers at the Seiyu in Sancha. On the other hand, we are in the process of moving and the new place has washlets…two!

    • Yow, the luxury will be almost unbearable! Honestly, the first time I stayed somewhere with heated seats, it was the nicest surprise in the middle of the night. And, conversely, the worst wake-up call when stumbling to the loo, every time I arrive in Tokyo (><;;)

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