Category Archives: Beauty Secrets

October 03

Do I Smell Like A Grapefruit Yet?

Seriously! According to the package, this “Body Fragrance” confection “aromatizes body with a sweet fragrance.” I imagined it to be kind of like eating raw garlic – except your skin is supposed to exude the attractive aroma of grapefruit instead of making everyone in the train hastily change seats – but I’ve been popping these candies like, well, candy, and I can’t tell if […]

August 21

Hardcore Workout Equipment…For Your Face

Getting yourself a righteously small face has always been prized in Japan, but having a face that just oozes buffness is apparently the new Holy Grail Of Pulchritude. Behold the dizzying array of exercise devices for your head, all designed to shape and tone your visage into a model of curvaceous (and unwrinkled) youth. Saw these at Don Kihote store in […]

July 06

Ear Floss

In the Solution Looking For A Problem sweepstakes, this has gotta be a contender. If your piercings are in desperate need of a roto-rootering, you can stock on up ear floss at (where else?) the Tokyu Hands in Ikebukuro. Directions & a map are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had. • Read a novel set in Tokyo

June 29

Scary Kabuki Facial Mask

Somehow, Kabuki Villain Face never really whispered “adorable” in my ear, but it could be pretty entertaining to scare the bejeezus out of unsuspecting visitors while also attaining new levels of softer, smoother skin. And if the miracle-potion-soaked cutout inside doesn’t manage to make me drop-dead gorgeous, I suppose I can always snatch up my trusty katana to finish the job. […]

June 14

Moustaches I Would Regret

Or should I say scumstaches? What these wispy ghosts of fake beards/moustaches lack in identity concealment, they more than make up for in believability. Japanese men are not generally candidates for Unibrow Intervention or Bushiest Beard contest winning, so even a goatee-ette of this magnitude might take weeks of careful cultivating. Much faster to get your manhood on with […]

May 13

Red Is The New White

Premium. Tomato. Whitening. Essence. Because if I wanted whiter skin, tomatoes are the first thing I’d think of. • Read a novel set in Tokyo…

May 06

Placentas. For Your Face.

We are assured on the package that this super-economy-size bag o’ face masks is chock full of placentas. Face rescuing placentas. Premium placentas. Okay, sorry, I really can’t hold it in anymore. EEWWWW! I didn’t think it was possible to beat snail slime, cobra venom and bee larvae as the I’d-prefer-the-red-hot-pincers facial treatments of choice, but this one is definitely a contender. Saw these […]