Stars Wars X Christmas Mash-up NOOOOOO

Wishing that tagline was “My Precioussss…For You” since That Other Cult Franchise at least features some elves

I love chocolate. And I love mushrooms. But not together. Which is why, even if these displays hadn’t reared their blatantly commercial heads on the freakin’ day after Halloween, it will always be #toosoon for this logo-bedizened Star Wars X Christmas mash-up.

I mean, except for the tannenbaum-ish shape, I think you’ll agree that there is nothing remotely Christmassy about this sound and light extravaganza. (Earbuds recommended, since no decibels were spared in producing the Dark Side/Light Side medley o’ not-carols.)

Spoilers:

The Dark Side makes a festive appearance at 1:30

And the epic battle between good & evil (that perennial Christmas theme) begins around 2:04

You might think I’d be a little more tolerant, considering this is the land that dishes up blue poinsettias, Christmas hats from hell, and decidedly weird takes on Santa Claus, but this multi-venue movie ad* would be pushing my what-the-whating-what buttons no matter where I was.

And it gets worse – the themed and logo-emblazoned decorations don’t end with the light saber tree.

Displays supposedly inspired by each movie in the Star Wars franchise are scattered throughout buildings near this alley of lit-up street trees near Tokyo Station. They aren’t even redeemed by the surrounding illuminations, since ones in Marunouchi are too ho-hum for anyone to go out of their way for, unless they’re bridal couples timing wedding shots between the traffic lights

I had slight hopes for this display, because the publicity shots showed R2D2 levitating all those presents, but there were no signs of gravity being defeated while I stood there expectantly

Even though this snowflake features crystalline motifs of C3PO, Yoda, and the Millennium Falcon…

…and this odd reading room is supposed to conjure the spirit of neo-Jedi Rei, they had to slap the logo front and center everywhere, or we’d never have guessed

Fortunately for us all, the REAL Tokyo Illuminations are starting up this week, and as soon as enough of them rev up their engines, I’ll be posting the new crop here, for your ultimate holiday lights fix!

*It’s no coincidence that Episode Nine comes out in December 2019, and in case you still don’t think this is a giant paid publicity grab, there’s a sprawling Star Wars merch store right next to the light saber tree for your branded gift-buying pleasure ARG.

If you must go see the Marunouchi Star Wars displays, they’ll be up until December 25 (2019)

The lightsaber Xmas tree light & sound show plays from 17:00 – 21:00, every fifteen minutes at :00, :15, :30 and :45

Here’s a map of where they are:

This map is posted all over the place in Marunouchi too

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