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Uncuddly Stuffies

stuffiessquid

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that my sympathy runs deep for the poor toy designers who have to churn out new adorable stuffies when all the animals, vegetables, and foods that are even remotely cute have already been taken. I always gave them points for at least trying to make the wallflowers of the toy world into something that wouldn’t scare the shit out of you if you woke up next to it in the middle of the night.

Until now.

Squid. I always thought this was the animal I'd least like to ever find in my bed. Until I saw...
Squid. I always thought this was the animal I’d least like to discover in my bed, snuggled up by my chin. Until I saw…
...these. I mean, nothing against enormous insectoid crustaceans that I'm sure fulfil some essential ecological role scuttling around the ocean floor, but who ever thought that a toy ought to be made out of...
these. I mean, nothing against enormous insectoid crustaceans that I’m sure fulfil some essential ecological role scuttling around the ocean floor, but who ever thought that a toy ought to be made out of…
...THIS? O_O
…this HORRIBLE SCARY EWW EWW EWW EWW SQUICKY SQUICKY GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME creature? (Thank you, Wikipedia, for getting up close and personal with Bathynomus giganteus so I didn’t have to)
And although some fish might actually be fair game for the cuteness sweepstakes, this tuna is definitely not one of them.
Now, compared to The Isopod Stuff Of Nightmares, this tuna looks positively adorable. Until you realize…
You can rip its velcro'd parts from stem to stern, revealing which parts are the choicest to EAT. (And yes, those little poopy looking things are its liver and heart AIEEEEE)
…you can rip its velcro’d parts from stem to stern, revealing which parts are the choicest to EAT. (And yes, those little poopy looking things in the middle are its liver and heart NOOOOOO)

While trying to love these rather off-putting stuffies, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo

“A genuinely gripping crime thriller which wrong-foots and perplexes the reader throughout, drawing us in emotionally . . . Highly recommended.” Raven Crime Reads

Nine Years. Nine death anniversaries. Tomorrow will be the tenth. He always comes early to avoid crossing paths with her family. He always comes on the day he actually killed her…read more

Jonelle Patrick View All

Writing mystery books set in Tokyo is mostly what I do, but I also blog about the odd stuff I see every day in Japan. I'm a graduate of Stanford University and the Sendagaya Japanese Institute in Tokyo, and a member of the International Thriller Writers, the Mystery Writers of America, and Sisters In Crime. When I'm not in Tokyo, I live in San Francisco. I also host a travel site called The Tokyo Guide I Wish I'd Had, so if you're headed to Japan and want to check out the places I take my friends when they're in town, take a look!

5 thoughts on “Uncuddly Stuffies Leave a comment

  1. That tuna!! I love your coverage of cute characters. Do you like Gudetama the lazy egg? I empathise with the creatives at Sanrio, slaving for years to come up with a character as popular as Hello Kitty and striking gold with an anthropomorphised egg with a depressed personality and butt crack.

  2. HAHAHA I love the tuna it’s so crazily educational ^^ The giant isopod has been top of the sales on strapya for some time, I guess some people don’t scream when they wake up suddenly near a giant sea creature. What’s next giant cuddly ticks?

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