Uncuddly Stuffies

stuffiessquid

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that my sympathy runs deep for the poor toy designers who have to churn out new adorable stuffies when all the animals, vegetables, and foods that are even remotely cute have already been taken. I always gave them points for at least trying to make the wallflowers of the toy world into something that wouldn’t scare the shit out of you if you woke up next to it in the middle of the night.

Until now.

Squid. I always thought this was the animal I'd least like to ever find in my bed. Until I saw...

Squid. I always thought this was the animal I’d least like to discover in my bed, snuggled up by my chin. Until I saw…

...these. I mean, nothing against enormous insectoid crustaceans that I'm sure fulfil some essential ecological role scuttling around the ocean floor, but who ever thought that a toy ought to be made out of...

these. I mean, nothing against enormous insectoid crustaceans that I’m sure fulfil some essential ecological role scuttling around the ocean floor, but who ever thought that a toy ought to be made out of…

...THIS? O_O

…this HORRIBLE SCARY EWW EWW EWW EWW SQUICKY SQUICKY GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME creature? (Thank you, Wikipedia, for getting up close and personal with Bathynomus giganteus so I didn’t have to)

And although some fish might actually be fair game for the cuteness sweepstakes, this tuna is definitely not one of them.

Now, compared to The Isopod Stuff Of Nightmares, this tuna looks positively adorable. Until you realize…

You can rip its velcro'd parts from stem to stern, revealing which parts are the choicest to EAT. (And yes, those little poopy looking things are its liver and heart AIEEEEE)

…you can rip its velcro’d parts from stem to stern, revealing which parts are the choicest to EAT. (And yes, those little poopy looking things in the middle are its liver and heart NOOOOOO)

Read a novel set in Tokyo

A young woman dressed as a Gothic Lolita is found dead in a car with two strangers. But the more Yumi Hata learns about her friend’s death, the more she’s convinced it was murder…read more