What’s Green And Squishy And Not The Flavor I Thought It Was?


Hey, try these gummies and tell me which flavor you like better.

Ooo, I love how in Japan there are two flavors of grape, purple kyoho and green muscat! These ARE grape, aren’t they?

Why wouldn’t they be?

Because whenever you offer me something green it’s, like, wasabi. Now I’m suspicious. The purple ones are round like grapes, but the green ones are square. Why are they square?

I don’t know why they’re square. Just try them!

Show me the package.

Okay, okay. Here.


Ewww, what IS that? It looks like a green squid tentacle! No, it’s…it’s…アロエ!It’s CACTUS flavor!

Aloe is NOT cactus.

It’s fleshy like a cactus, it’s got spines like a cactus and it’s impossible to kill like a cactus. That makes it a whole lot more like a cactus than a grape.

But aloe is good for you! I’ve seen it in tons of foods here in Japan – drinks, yogurt, candy…

Just because it is, doesn’t mean it should be. Gimme that grape one. You can have the cactus flavor if you like it so much.

Okay, enjoy.

Wait a minute. What’s this green stuff in the middle of my grape gummy?

Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo

A young woman dressed as a Gothic Lolita is found dead in a car with two strangers. But the more Yumi Hata learns about her friend’s death, the more she’s convinced it was murder…read more