Do-It-Yourself Piggy Lunchbox
If you want your kid to be cuteness champion of the cafeteria tomorrow, sharpen up your tweezers and nail scissors and craft one of these babies! From the pages of Character & Deco Lunchbox magazine, instructions for making your very own Piggy Bentō in only ten incredible painstaking steps!
This little piggy seems to be made of something called pork sausage, but it looks suspiciously like baloney to me. You’ll need a slab of this, in addition to a sheet of seaweed, some rice to put under it, and ketchup. No caffeine or excessive amounts of alcohol for 24 hours before attempting this lunchbox masterpiece, as you’ll need a steady hand. Piggies that look like they were crafted by Picasso in his Guernica period do not impress the elementary lunch crowd.
1: Cut a long, perfectly even slice from the middle of your sausage roll. (Yeah, hmm. Better have extra sausage rolls on hand in case of shameful wedgie-ness.)
2: Squeeze your flexible round cutter just enough to make piggy’s head the proper shape, and cut a half-ellipse from the edge of the sausage roll slice.
3: Of course you have a dedicated piggy nose cutter just sitting around, so use that to make the nose.
4: With a drinking straw you’ve pinched to a point on one side, cut nostrils in the nose.
5: Cut out some little triangular ears from the leftover sausage slice with a paring knife. Do not give up until you have two ears exactly the same size and shape. If you must scream, do it softly so as not to wake the children.
6: With your seaweed punch, cut out two round eyes from a sheet of nori.
7: With tweezers, position all the features on the piggy’s face. Do not sneeze.
8: Use ketchup to paint little blushing cheeks on the piggy.
9: Use other round cutters to make bubbles for putting around the piggy’s head. Tweeze these into place.
10: Now bustle around polishing up a perfect cherry tomato and whipping up candied sweet potatoes and scotch eggs.
Whew. Good thing you woke up at 5:00. NOW you can have that double espresso. Or a shot and a beer.
Read a novel set in Tokyo…