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Less-Than-Zero Cola

It looks like Coke Zero. It tastes like Coke Zero. But it has FEWER CALORIES than Coke Zero.

And how is this miracle of math performed? Apparently, Mets Cola is specially formulated with some sort of artificial fiber additive that grabs the fat in that big slab of tonkatsu you ate with it and ushers the malevolent molecules right through without stopping for a long vacation on your hips. It not only doesn’t add calories, it actually takes them away!

Nevermind that this sounds like a fairly sketchy thing to do to your body, it’s earned Mets Cola a big government seal of approval, making it safe for children throughout Japan to insist to their mothers that the litre of soda they’re drinking is actually HEALTH FOOD.

Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo

A young woman dressed as a Gothic Lolita is found dead in a car with two strangers. But the more Yumi Hata learns about her friend’s death, the more she’s convinced it was murder…read more


Jonelle Patrick View All

Writing mystery books set in Tokyo is mostly what I do, but I also blog about the odd stuff I see every day in Japan. I'm a graduate of Stanford University and the Sendagaya Japanese Institute in Tokyo, and a member of the International Thriller Writers, the Mystery Writers of America, and Sisters In Crime. When I'm not in Tokyo, I live in San Francisco. I also host a travel site called The Tokyo Guide I Wish I'd Had, so if you're headed to Japan and want to check out the places I take my friends when they're in town, take a look!

4 thoughts on “Less-Than-Zero Cola Leave a comment

  1. Clearly this is the safest and most revolutionary diet plan ever. By the way, are you interested in this deed to the Brooklyn Bridge? I don’t need it.

    • The weird thing is, this stuff is sold in vending machines and convenience stores as if it were just another soft drink. Obviously all Japanese people can read the kanji that explains about the fat-busting thing, but I would never have bothered to translate it if my Japanese teacher hadn’t brought it into class to help teach us a grammar lesson on making comparisons. Yikes! Makes me want to drink nothing but tap water from now on!

      • Japan has tap water? My friend Takaya said that they charged for everything, even air. (He was joking and this was in 7th grade…..)

      • Hmm, I haven’t received a bill for air or top water yet, but now I’m feeling a little nervous about those various official-looking pieces of mail which I may have inadequately translated…o_O

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