January 11

Red Heat Hot Pepper Shape Up Gel

“I can’t join the party due to ugly body. I am now in shape up mode. Some day I will do it with dress up. BODY SELEB is willing to help you achieve it. The success gives you self-confidence. Let’s go to the party where a lot of celeb gather. You will see yourself changed drastically.”

According to the directions on the back, rubbing this hot grapefruit-scented gel on yourself will impart toned arms and a slim waist without any of that annoying exercise or dieting. All over the world, I guess people want to believe in miracles.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, now out for the first time in paperback

More Nightshade book goodness here, in case you think you might want to, you know, read it or something

A young woman is found dead in an abandoned car, with a pair of strangers old enough to be her parents. Their suicide note apologizes for a disaster that hasn’t yet happened. And someone is stalking the…read more

…or watch the book trailer (0:52)