Mother Of All Pizzas

It’s a warm Saturday night in May, you’re on your fourth beer, and the new best friend you just met tonight says, hey, I hope the flowers I ordered for Mother’s Day get there in time. Wait, Mother’s Day?! NNNOOOOOO!!!

Okay, think. You’re a day ahead in Japan, on account of that fine bacon-saving invention The International Dateline. Maybe there’s still time. But Googling only deepens the panic. Chocolates? In your dreams. Flowers? Yeah, if you’re Bill Gates. And then…Domino’s to the rescue!

This heart-shaped pizza is the perfect way to say, “Mom, I love how you’re tough on the outside, but you never fail to be gooey on the inside! Whether it’s breakfast lunch or dinner, the sight of you always makes me happy! And you’re always there within 30 minutes when I call!”

Best of all, even after applying the beyond-depressing exchange rate, this heart-shaped pepperoni pizza is still only $16.28! Wait, how come it’s so cheap? Hm, it’s only 25 cm (10″). Kind of the equivalent of those  “fun size” Snickers you get at Halloween. But on the other hand, it’s Mother’s Day, not Mother & Father’s Day. Dad gets his next month. Surely for one night, he can warm up leftovers in the microwave.

Then you read the fine print. Only in Japan. DAMN. You’re still toast.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo Mystery Series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

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